Recenty I met someone who had a profound affect on me.
I didn’t know them before we met.
I didn’t even know of them before we met.
But circumstances meant we met – via Zoom – and almost from the moment we talked, I felt a deep connection to them.
An immediate appreciation and understanding of who they were and what they were working towards … helped by their generosity of transparency and honesty.
Now we may like to think everyone we meet is like that, but we know that’s not really the case.
Even with people we know, we often express with a level of guardedness … but not with this individual. Oh no …
Within seconds all barricades were down and we had entered conversation of almost breath-taking honesty and detail.
At least that’s how I felt – hahaha.
Even looking back on it, I don’t know how – let alone why – this happened so quickly with them, but it did.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact the conversation had no agenda?
Maybe it had something to do with the fact we discovered we had some shared contexts?
Maybe it had something to do with both of us being genuinely curious and interested in how the other saw life?
Who knows, but after the call, I was left dealing with a whole range of emotions and feelings.
Confusion.
Exhilaration.
Contemplation.
Elation.
All topped off with a sense of disappointment it was over and a hunger to do it again.
Now, if truth be told, this not the first time something like this has happened …
Sure, the effect they had on me was unique to them, but I’ve definitely had similar experiences that have felt like a seminal moment.
Where I’ve met or talked to someone I would always remember.
Where there have been thoughts and questions raised that I’ll never forget.
Where they’ve felt like we’ve been connected for decades, when sometimes it’s been for less than a day.
Overall, a sense of overwhelming gratitude and amazement of encountering someone who was willing to throw all of who they were into the moment we were interacting.
Call me cynical, but for me, the only people who can do this are either those with supreme confidence, psychopathic tendencies or a comfort in their own vulnerabilities.
And while this person had some traits of the former, they definitely didn’t show any of delusional – something I’m pretty attuned to – which means their openness was born through their acceptance and awareness of their truth, while also feeling they were in a safe environment – and with a safe person – to express themselves without caution or limits.
As compliments go, that is maybe one of the most beautiful anyone can ever receive.
But what makes this even more special is that when this happens, it has the same effect on the other party. And it did … because I found myself being able to express myself in a way that ensured our conversation transcended transactional and became deeply personal.
Or said another way, it was one of those increasingly rare conversations that felt like a gift … a gift wrapped in our focus, curiosity, authenticity and deep compassion.
No judgement.
No expectation.
No agenda.
It was an experience that reaffirmed how lucky I am.
That aged 55, I still get to engage and encounter the new and interesting.
People who are willing to place and share new ideas, new considerations and new perspectives in my life.
Ideas that can trigger, remind or challenge the various beliefs I’ve held on to for – sometimes – all of my life.
Not because of arrogance, but because they are kind and willing to be vulnerable for you.
How incredibly wonderful.
Of course I shouldn’t be so shocked I still get to have this, given how my parents were …
My Dad with his incredible capacity to talk and connect to anyone …
I’ve mentioned how, when I was a teen, Dad would a bring a homeless person to our house – promising them a bath, a feed and a good night sleep in a warm bed – if they promised to talk to me about their life because he wanted to ensure I respected everyone has a story and that life is as much about good fortune as it is effort.
I must admit I hated it at the time, but now I’m older, I’m in awe.
And then there was Mum, the most compassionate and considerate person I have ever met.
Always interested in what others were interested in – regardless of age or background – as she saw them as a way to learn more about life. To get a bigger perspective of the world, which in turn, would allow her to contribute to more in her world.
And while I’m not as good as my Mum or Dad, I am a product of them … so accept I have gained some of their incredible abilities.
I certainly enjoy talking to people.
I definitely love understanding what people care about.
I deeply value learning the perspectives of those who are unlike me.
But while this person answered all of these elements, they were more than that.
Because not only did they let me see more of who they were, they helped me see more of who I was, too.
Stuff I may have not paid much attention to, or thought about or even locked away because of what it signified or triggered.
And while I may never speak to them again – let alone be in a situation where I will be in the same room as them – I will forever be grateful to them.
Because they served as a great reminder that the richness of life is not simply about what you do in it, but what you allow it to bring to you.
And they gave me a lot. Including a fuckload of questions I’m asking myself … hahaha.
At a time where we’re increasingly sitting behind desks and studying humanity through datapoints, let this be an advertisement for human interaction.
Because not only do they reveal the nuances data rarely see, they trigger the emotions, data will never be able to feel, let alone express.
John le Carre once stated, ‘a desk is a dangerous place to view the World’.
He could well have added,
‘Humans let you see the world, but certain individuals will take you to the most exciting corners of the universe’.