A few weeks ago – the day after halloween to be precise – I woke up to seeing I was tagged on an instagram photo.
When I clicked on the link, I saw this …
Yes … that’s me.
As a pumpkin.
For Halloween.
And you want to know what’s even scarier? Yes, even scarier than me as a pumpkin.
It was done by someone I’ve not met.
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!
On the bright side, while it is hideously ugly – or said another way, a perfect representation of me – it’s not a voodoo doll and in a weird way, it’s like a compliment. Sure, a twisted, back-handed compliment, but when you’re my age, beggars can’t be choosers.
So to the wonderfully, stark-raving-bonkers Jess Politi … thank you for [finally] making me good enough to eat, even though I suspect I was much better used as something you could slowly burn and then smash repeatedly in the face with a hammer, thus fulfilling the aspirations of hundreds of past and present colleagues of mine.