I still can’t get over that Gerard Butler ad for Boss aftershave.
Seriously, I can’t.
It’s been a long time that an ad has been so bad, that I can’t stop myself watching it over and over again.
Apart from the desperate attempt to convey an oh-so-serious delivery [as if he thinks he’s auditioning for a part in Game of Thrones] the script is soooooo bad, it makes Sesame Street look like Shakespeare.
Let’s have a look at some of the shit he spouts.
“I don’t believe in less, I go all the way?”
Eh???!!
Is he – perhaps – trying to infer he’s a sexual beast who never suffers from performance anxiety or excessively quick climax?
What about, “you can see it in my stride?”
Is this his attempt to say he is hung like a donkey and when he walks, his massive penis swings side-to-side in his trousers like the pendulum of a massive clock?
Then there’s the “you can see it in my deeds”.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
What?
What the hell does that even mean?
Seriously, that’s almost as bollocks as “be true to yourself, makes me a man of success”.
Especially when it’s being delivered by an actor who is paid to not be true to themselves.
And why the hell does he keep saying “I say” at the end of sentences … like he’s trying to come over as some sort of z-grade Yoda doing a bad Sean Connery impression?
In some ways, this ad is mesmerising.
Seriously.
Of course I’d rather drink bleach that buy – or wear – the smelly shit, but it has held my attention like a Birkenstock convention.
However – and this is the kicker for Boss and anyone who says it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you disrupt – when Mr Gerard assertively [but with more than a hint of annoyance or desperation in his voice] states, “I am a man” [at 21 seconds] I can’t help but feel that if I was forced to make a choice, I’d much rather be like the man this man smells like this.
Boom Tish.