I travel a lot and because of that, I am one of those weird people that has invested in good quality luggage.
No, not that ‘POLO’ brand you get in knock-off markets.
You know the sort, they’re designed to look sophisticated but actually ends up making you look like a total cheap bastard.
Nor have I bought some LV type bollocks … designed to make you look rich and sophisticated but actually ends up making you look like you’re unbelievably gullible, a total label whore and distinctly muggable.
No, I’ve bought some bog-standard, matching Samsonite stuff.
In black.
Designed to hold my clothes [army shirts, shitty jeans and birkenstocks] … put up with the bullshit care and attention you get from Airport bag handlers around the World … and to stay closed and locked so that it doesn’t fling open on the luggage carousel and reveal my Asda pants to all and sundry.
In all honesty, having a good set of luggage feels way better than you’d imagine.
For a start, the wheels don’t act like a supermarket trolley and there’s a sense of assurance when you close it, that it will stay that way until you get to your destination.
I never thought I’d give a shit about a suitcase, but I do … but let’s face it, that’s only because I use the bloody things so much I could justify the cost, because otherwise I’d of blown the dosh on some technology rubbish.
Now I know that Samsonite had an award winning ad recently, but I didn’t buy it because of that.
Apart from the fact I got my luggage waaaaaaaaay before that ad came out, the fact is I’m not so fucking insecure that I need my suitcase to convey the level of status I think I have. Or should I say, want to appear I have.
Now I know I am hardly the blueprint for ‘average consumer’ [Average, maybe. Consumer, probably not] but I saw an ad recently that smacked of a client and agency that just doesn’t understand their audience in any shape or form.
This is it …
WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THAT.
Are they seriously trying to say that this is the luggage of Rock Stars and VIPS’s
Do they really think this makes them look cool and desirable?
Are they really that fucking deluded?
And why does it look like he’s wearing too-big-for-his-feet ‘pixie’ shoes?
Let me give the people behind this bollocks some advice …
1. Your ad makes the luggage look like it is the bag of choice for assistants and roadies, not Rock Stars or VIP’s.
2. It looks more like a poster for a bad Jean Claude van Damme movie than an ad that is designed to entice the public.
3. We are no longer living in the 80’s. Or 90’s.
4. People who travel a lot [for business] care more about function than style.
5. People who travel a lot [for pleasure] have so much cash that they don’t need a bag to show they’re wealthy … they come in on their own bloody plane.
6. Only people who are try-hards would want a bag that makes them feel like they are successful and travel a lot.
I cannot tell you how much I hate this ad.
HATE IT.
It’s everything wrong with advertising.
It’s not even effective in making people think they would look successful if they were seen with it.
It’s more likely to attract pity than glances of envy.
Which I suppose is one thing we should be grateful to Halliburton for … because in one execution, they’ve ensured that women who travel alone do all they can to avoid any man they see walking up and down the check-in area with their Halliburton bag.