Dear Mum, if you come across this post, please don’t read it. I know by saying this the temptation will be great but I’m begging you, don’t. Thanks Mum. Love you. Rx
Right, let’s get on with it shall we?
Regardless of your views of Facebook, for sentimental fools like me, it’s been quite a revelation.
I wrote a while back about how it makes you feel loved and keeps you honest, however it also lets you glimpse into what ‘might have been’.
What do I mean?
Well every now and then I like to look up what my oldest and closest friends are upto and whilst I’m obviously still in touch with them, I have to admit it’s quite weird seeing their lives are full of people, activities and occasions that I don’t know anything about.
These aren’t casual school mates, I’m talking deep routed friendships … friendships that have spanned decades and covered all manner of events – good and bad – and yet here I am, feeling I’m on the fringe of their life rather than part of it.
Of course that’s to be expected given I live in Asia and in the main, they live in Nottingham – and I know that if they looked closely at my life, they’d be all manner of people they wouldn’t have the faintest idea about – but that doesn’t make it any easier or better.
Maybe it’s ego.
Maybe it’s like that ex-lover syndrome where you move on with your life but secretly hope the other person decides the best course of action is to become a Nun/Monk because they realise they’ll never meet someone as good as you … but to be honest I don’t think it’s that because I believe the reason is I’m a sentimental fool.
As most of you on here know, my best friend is Paul.
I have known this man all my life and quite frankly, I regard him as a brother.
Now I know that’s the sort of bollocks 80’s heavy metal bands used to say about their members [normally just before they split up citing ‘musical differences’] … plus there’s the fact I haven’t actually got any siblings so how would I know what having a ‘brother’ is really like … and yet that is how I truly view him.
In short, I love him.
Now the thing is, even though we live thousands of miles away … don’t speak nearly as much as we should and have completely different lives … everyone I know [which now consists of more people outside of the UK than in it] knows about him.
Not only that, they know a bunch of other things about him … like he is a printer, he lives in Nottingham, he’s tall, he’s my best friend and he’s hung like a donkey.
At first I didn’t know why I took great pride in informing everyone that my best mate has a massive cock, but a few years ago I worked out why and it was not because I had secret gay tendencies towards him [though judging by this post, it would seem he does have gay feelings for me] it’s actually much more innocent than that, it was so I could still feel he was in my life.
You see by having people know Paul existed – even if they didn’t know him directly – I felt he was still around, still in my life, still someone I could pop in and see and that made living away easier … not better …. but easier.
Maybe it’s because being an only child and living away from my ‘home’ meant I had an emotional need to feel connected to things that represented ‘home’ [let’s not forget I even have feelings for my calculator] … giving me a sense of identify and belonging … however whilst Facebook does enable me to stay in touch with people who matter much more easily [not to mention restrain conversations about my best friends cock] it has also managed to pull back the curtain on my delusion that in Paul’s case, he was sitting there waiting for me to come home so we can carry on where we left off – and whilst I always knew that was not ever going to be the case – the thought of it made me feel happier in some way, which is why I feel the term ‘social network’ doesn’t always do the concept justice … because in certain circumstances, with certain friends, I think ‘feel like you still matter’ network is a much better term, even if there are occasions where it also highlights how you’re not nearly as high up the importance list as you once were.