I’ve tried to write this post for quite a while.
I must of re-written the thing literally about 20 times, and yet on each occasion, I’ve never been able to capture exactly what I am trying to express.
To be honest, my writing ability has never been that good.
When I read how Marcus or Fred or Age or Kaj express themselves, I just put my head in my hands – they’re bloody brilliant – however I know I will never be like them, so even though I’m not happy with what I’ve written, this will just have to do.
In short, I think I am married to the best wife in the whole, wide World.
I’m not saying this because she occasionally reads this blog or because she lets me do stupid things to her [ie: The Jillyism blog or writing messages on her head when she’s asleep like the one above which reads “I LUV SATAN”] … I’m saying it because in the 5 years she’s been in my life, she’s demonstrated a level of loyalty and faith that takes my breath away.
I know marriage is about ‘for better or worse’ but I would assume most people go into the ultimate commitment with the expectation that neither party will be a total fuckwit and yet in our marriage, I can’t help but feel I’ve let her down on this assumption.
Of course I could argue the clues were there from the beginning …
Let’s face it, when you’re dragged to Asia within weeks of meeting and made to spend your Boxing Day watching Nottingham Forest in the freezing cold before being taken to my beloved Shalamar Restaurant in West Bridgford for a dodgy curry … you should know you’re getting involved with someone rather sad, but despite that, I still think she deserves better.
I know she knows I love her ridiculously … not just because I tell her every day, but because of a whole bunch of other things, things that are actually quite small but mean a great deal to her … however the fact is I still travel too much, I still let work creep into our personal life and I still get grumpy when I’m tired [which is approx 89.6% of the time] yet despite this, she’s always there for me, offering advice, encouragement and support with her beautiful smile and her infectious laugh.
How the hell did I get so lucky?
OK, a trip to Graceland and a cat probably helped but when you consider the circumstances I’ve put her in – especially in the last 12 months – she has gone beyond the call of duty.
Someone recently asked me what was one of the biggest challenges in being married.
Well maybe it’s because I am an only child … but for me, it’s the fact I have someone who actually wants to take away my problems … wants to help … wants us to move forward together.
That’s not saying my parents weren’t like that – they were, as was the odd previous girlfriend – but Jill does it in a way that makes me feel like I can achieve more and do it in a better way. In short, she makes me a better man.
I know this post probably doesn’t make much sense – and I appreciate it’s unbelievably indulgent [and possibly sickening] – but I wanted to write something because even though I try and always tell her how I’ve noticed the things she’s done for me/us, it’s important she understands how much I appreciate it and what it means to me.
Thank you wifey … you’re the best.
Rx