Yes it’s another anti-Oz post.
Look I genuinely love the country … I spent nearly 10 years of my life there, I have an Aussie [well, half Aussie] wife, property, friends … it’s more my home than Nottingham … however there’s one thing I detest about the place and that’s its desperation to be seen as a global player.
It wouldn’t be so bad if they concentrated on the things they’ve given the World that have really made a positive and lasting difference, but no – they focus almost exclusively on anything to do with fucking movies, music and sport which means Australia is subliminally saying they’re the most superficial place on Earth. Maybe.
Anyway, what made me write this post was an article I read about actor Aaron Eckhart …
Yep, because this American actor spent a year at a school in Oz, this fuckwit magazine [tongue-in-cheek or not] is claiming the country deserves the credit for his success.
They said the same about Cameron Diaz [spent a few months living in Sydney’s ‘Cross’ area] and that complete pain-in-the-ass, Renee Zellweger because some distant relative is an Aussie or something.
Listen guys, you have a great country – you don’t need to latch onto things that are obviously not yours in a desperate attempt to feel important – you’re great on your own terms, so for the last time, let me tell you …
AC/DC are Scottish
Crowded House are Kiwi
Russell Crowe is a Kiwi
Hugh Jackman is English
As is Naomi Watts
Men At Work were fronted by a Scotsman
As were Cold Chisel
Mel Gibson is a Yank
As is Aaron Eckhart, Cameron Diaz and Renee Bitchface.
And amazingly, Abba were famous even before Australia ‘took them to their bosom’.
Look I I know this might be hard for you to hear over the sound of you patting yourselves on the back but I hope you understand because you have plenty of ‘stars’ of your own to be proud of – like Greg ‘choker’ Norman, Pat ‘headband’ Cash, Nicole ‘married for fame’ Kidman, Kylie ‘exploit my illness’ Minogue, Keith ‘Suburban’ Urban, the entire cast of Home & Away and of course your glorious PM, Kevin ‘chipmunk’ Rudd.
Oh, and just a word of warning … if you really want to argue the toss that people like Russell ‘go Russell go’ Crowe are Aussies, then you will also have to accept I too am one of your countrymen and I’m sure the thought of that is even worse than having John Howard back.
Right, onwards and upwards … 🙂