Given I’ve seemingly been attempting career suicide of late [see here, here and here] … I have come up with an idea that allows me to continue that trend but earn some money from it at the same time. [Which is handy, as criminal lawyers cost so much these days]
So ladies and gentlemen … boys and girls … today I have a rare opportunity for you, an opportunity that many have only dreamed about.
Let me put a couple of questions to you …
How many times have you wanted to speak to someone really, really, really, really wealthy and pitch your great idea directly to them?
How many times have you wanted to just screw with the head of someone really, really, really, really fortunate?
How many times have you wanted to tell your big, big, big, big boss some anonymous home truths?
Well all those dreams and more can come true … because today I am able to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity … and that opportunity is to have access to the man who is small is size but massive in wealth and stature – SIR MARTIN SORRELL.
If you glance your eyes ‘upwards’ you will see a photo of the man in questions ‘business card’. This is 100% the genuine article … and I should know as he gave it to me personally last Friday.I am now open to bids for the card … or more precisely, open to bids for a copy of the card without annoying black lines all across the important bits … so if you have the desire, I can quench that fire – just raise your hand and make a bid.OK … OK … to be honest, Sorrell is not this devil that everyone makes him out to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily subscribe to his values of advertising, but he is obviously a very smart guy who is unbelievably informed – not just about ‘numbers’, but about people, capabilities, opportunities and situations.
Seriously, for the first part of our meeting I thought he was either clairvoyant or been talking to my Mum – he knew all the itty-bitty details – though thankfully the ‘Toad Of Toad Hall’ issue wasn’t raised, ha!
Anyway, enough of all that … lets get back down to business … which stalker/inventor/evil shit is going to open the bidding for this fantastic opportunity?
Come on … step up … step up … shall we start with $100?
[ATTENTION LAWYERS: I am NOT really going to ‘sell’ Sir Martin’s details so please put your writs back into your bottom drawers. This is just a stupid joke … I am stupid and immature and just found this abit funny. Mind you, if someone offered me billions [and their cheque didn’t bounce] then I might actually be tempted to flog the info because lets face it, I’m sure I could afford a great defence team and have enough money left over to buy my beloved-but-crap Nottingham Forest. DON’T watch this space, ha]