The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Stalking Made Easy …
July 30, 2007, 7:12 am
Filed under: Comment

Biz Card

Given I’ve seemingly been attempting career suicide of late [see here, here and here] … I have come up with an idea that allows me to continue that trend but earn some money from it at the same time. [Which is handy, as criminal lawyers cost so much these days]

So ladies and gentlemen … boys and girls … today I have a rare opportunity for you, an opportunity that many have only dreamed about.

Let me put a couple of questions to you …

How many times have you wanted to speak to someone really, really, really, really wealthy and pitch your great idea directly to them?

How many times have you wanted to just screw with the head of someone really, really, really, really fortunate?

How many times have you wanted to tell your big, big, big, big boss some anonymous home truths?

Well all those dreams and more can come true … because today I am able to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity … and that opportunity is to have access to the man who is small is size but massive in wealth and stature – SIR MARTIN SORRELL.

If you glance your eyes ‘upwards’ you will see a photo of the man in questions ‘business card’. This is 100% the genuine article … and I should know as he gave it to me personally last Friday.I am now open to bids for the card … or more precisely, open to bids for a copy of the card without annoying black lines all across the important bits … so if you have the desire, I can quench that fire – just raise your hand and make a bid.OK … OK … to be honest, Sorrell is not this devil that everyone makes him out to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily subscribe to his values of advertising, but he is obviously a very smart guy who is unbelievably informed – not just about ‘numbers’, but about people, capabilities, opportunities and situations.

Seriously, for the first part of our meeting I thought he was either clairvoyant or been talking to my Mum – he knew all the itty-bitty details – though thankfully the ‘Toad Of Toad Hall’ issue wasn’t raised, ha!

Anyway, enough of all that … lets get back down to business … which stalker/inventor/evil shit is going to open the bidding for this fantastic opportunity? 

Come on … step up … step up … shall we start with $100?

[ATTENTION LAWYERS: I am NOT really going to ‘sell’ Sir Martin’s details so please put your writs back into your bottom drawers. This is just a stupid joke … I am stupid and immature and just found this abit funny.  Mind you, if someone offered me billions [and their cheque didn’t bounce] then I might actually be tempted to flog the info because lets face it, I’m sure I could afford a great defence team and have enough money left over to buy my beloved-but-crap Nottingham Forest. DON’T watch this space, ha]

15 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I can’t figure out what would be worse… actually selling that card, or actually BUYING Nottingham Forest!


… I’m banned from this blog now aren’t I? 🙁

Comment by Age

Are you mad? I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or hide under the table. But enough of that, how did it go? News?

Comment by Pete

so the jv is officially over then? dont expect cynic to pay your impending colossus legal bill you stupid cock. see you back in the us by the end of the week then. 🙂

Comment by andy@cynic

If you hadn’t put the wimpy disclaimer on , I’d of thought you rocked. You don’t want to know what I think of you now. 🙂

Comment by Billy Whizz

I can only assume Billy, that your use of 🙂 in the exact same place as Andy used his, is some sad attempt at corporate crawliness.

While I am confident that Andy would find this behaviour positive, I regard it as one of the most vulgar things anyone can do however … as you are

1 good at what you do

2 not likely to get a job elsewhere

3 not nearly as toady as the fucks I saw queuing up to see Sorrell after me [all suits, briefcases and combed hair]

… I will let you off this once with nothing more than a reminder you are American and as such, have all the punishment any man should have to placed upon his shoulders. Ha!

Comment by Rob

I bid $5

Comment by Maurice Lévy - Worldwide CEO Publicis

But I’ll go to $6 at a push.

Comment by Maurice Lévy - Worldwide CEO Publicis

That’s 50% more than Sorrell would spend on Publicis Maurice.

Comment by Marcus

In that case I buy Sorrell’s business card then piiiiiis on it.

Comment by Maurice Lévy - Worldwide CEO Publicis

Considering the Publicis share price keeps slipping in may be better if you hang on to your $6 Maurice. It would appear that you don’t have the cash to piss away.

Comment by Marcus

wiiiill you be my finacial advisorrrrr?

Comment by Maurice Lévy - Worldwide CEO Publicis

No Maurice. No fucking chance.

Comment by Marcus


Comment by Maurice Lévy - Worldwide CEO Publicis

Crazy comments, crazy post…morning all

Comment by Rob Mortimer

ha ha!! somebody’s first day back after holidays, perhaps?

Comment by lauren

Leave a Reply