I recently read in US Weekly [don’t ask] magazine that Beyonce had tried to secretly leave a recording studio because she wanted to be momentarily free from the glare of the spotlight.
Unfortunately for her, she was spotted as she tried to make her escape and a photo showing her departure, accompanied the article.
Even though I am not a fan of the songstress, I want to help and so having studied the photo, I’ve come up with a plan that may help, next time she finds herself in that position.
With that in mind, here’s my open letter to Mrs Jay-Z.
Dear Beyonce …
I appreciate you are an international superstar who is hassled everywhere you go.
I appreciate there must be times where you wish you could walk around unnoticed.
I appreciate in this cult of celebrity, you are the target for every paparazzi.
However I have a word of advice.
If you really want to have some time alone … if you really want to go under the radar … if you really want to sneak around unnoticed.
THIS ISN’T GOING TO HELP YOUR CAUSE:
Seriously woman, it’s bad enough you’re wearing the World’s biggest chequered flag.
Then there’s the fact you’ve put so many rings on your hand they look like knuckle dusters.
And let’s not mention the uber-made up, “look at me” eyes.
But wearing a Louis Vuitton balaclava.
A fucking Louis Vuitton balaclava with the letters ‘L’ and ‘V’ screaming at you louder than a J-Lo dress at the Oscars!!
Seriously?
What the fuck were you thinking?
For all your talk of ‘wanting to be left alone’, anyone would think you were trying to capture the pap’s attention with that get-up … despite the fact it’s obvious you went to great lengths to put on [the World’s worst] disguise.