So last Saturday, my mobile phone rang.
What follows is the transcript of the entire conversation.
Me: “Hello?”
Caller: “Is that Mr Campbell?”
Me: “Yes.”
Caller: “Oh hello, this is HSBC.”
Me: “Hello.”
Caller: “We’re calling about your recent credit card fraud.”
Me: “Oh, OK.”
Caller: “First, can I ask you some security questions?”
Me: “Actually, before we get to that, can you prove to me you’re from HSBC?”
Caller: “Pardon?”
Me: “Well, how do I know you’re from HSBC? You know you’re talking to me because you rang my number but how do I know you’re from HSBC, you could be anybody.”
Caller: “Errrm …”
P A U S E
Caller: “But …”
P A U S E
Caller: “Hmmmmn …”
Me: “Well can you tell me what it’s about?”
Caller: “Yes, we’ve fully credited your account.”
Me: “Well that wasn’t too hard to tell me was it.”
Caller: “Errrm …”
Me: “Bye.”
Caller: [said meekly] “Goodbye.”
I know it’s as good as my ‘fuck you’ to IKEA, but it still felt good to mess with petty, badly-thought-through, bureaucratic, banking arrogance.