1. Send me a short email that basically says:
“I want to work at W+K, are there any jobs?”
2. Send me a long email telling me you’re the best thing since sliced bread and that I “need you” in my team.
3. Say you know all about China/Asian culture. Worse, say you know all about China/Asian culture despite having never even visited there.
4. Blame your company &/or clients for not having anything interesting you can show me.
5. Take all the credit for the work you’ve been a part of.
6. Tell me “you have learnt everything you need to know” in your current job, despite having only been in the industry 2 years.
7. Only talk about planning. Or advertising. Or planners. Especially planners.
8. Say you blend science with creativity despite having never studied science.
9. Talk about all the cool shit you know.
10. Act like you are entitled to work at W+K.
11. Say you’re not looking for a job and that you’re really happy and successful where you are – despite writing to me saying you want a job.
12. Never ask me to introduce/endorse you to one of my friends/colleagues at another agencies when I’ve never worked with you or seen anything you’ve done.
13. Please don’t ever – and I mean NEVER – use the term ‘digital ninja’ or ‘Rockstar’ in my presence, unless for ironic reasons.
14. Don’t show me a wonderful strategic presentation that ended up having absolutely zero influence on the final work.
15. Act like we’re best pals when I’ve never even spoken to you. I know I’m a fairly casual person – but my friends have earned the right to be cheeky bastards to me. You haven’t.
I hope that’s cleared up things because I know many of you live in total fear of accidentally ending up working with me.
In all seriousness, while I know I come from Nottingham, like Queen and wear Birkenstocks, the reality is I quite being treated with a bit of politeness and respect. That doesn’t mean you have to be subservient or overly formal … but if you act like your shit doesn’t stink, then you can be pretty sure I’ll inform you that it does.
But more than that, if you approach me in any of the ways I’ve listed above, then you’re demonstrating you don’t have – or at least aren’t showing – any of the attributes I hold most highly in a planner which means you will have basically failed the interview before I even had the chance to turn you down.
I know this post might make me look like a cock, but quite frankly, I don’t give a fuck.
I will happily try and help whoever I can.
I will happily spare the time for whoever wants it.
But as I believe the foundation of good planning is all about empathy, humanity & communication [mischief, ingenuity, opinion & action being the other traits] … then if you don’t relate to that, I’m the last person you should be talking to, let alone working with.
Rant over.
Ta-ra.