Today we will focus on the ‘intellectual’ variety of the planner species.
1/ Every sentence they say or write includes a percentage. To 2 decimal points.
2/ They use 68 words when 10 will do.
3/ Studies have shown that 78% of those words are ‘corporate talk’ and 22% are whatever was featured on a ‘word of the day’ site.
4/ Every reference they use comes from a management book or a business magazine … but certainly not from their personal experience.
5/ Their powerpoint slides are filled with words [in size 10 font]
6/ Or occasionally a clipart pic.
7/ And every presentation starts with a quote … either from a dictionary, a spiritual leader or a business god.
8/ Then when they present it, they make sure they read every single word on the screen. EVERY. BLOODY. WORD.
9/ They mention their companies proprietary tool about 10,000 times and act like it is God.
10/ They always go over their allotted time.
11/ They are always as quiet as a mouse when creative work is being presented.
12/ They only rate people who have an MBA or went to their university – which you can be sure is dropped into the conversation at every opportunity.
13/ If the meeting goes over lunch, they will immediately make a beeline to sit next to whoever is the most important person in the room.
14/ Their knowledge of people’s attitudes, values and behaviours comes exclusively from google or research reports and they don’t even appear embarrassed by that fact.
15/ They genuinely believe they are the smartest person in the room … exemplified by their condescending views and remarks on the habits and beliefs of the masses, covering everything from their inferior choice of wine and cheese through to their naive views on who the best investment analysts and houses are.
If you recognise any of these traits in yourself – or someone you know – act swiftly and decisively because quite frankly, adland is going to give you the shits and you’re going to give adand a headache, and an even worse name.