There’s times in my life where I feel a failure and a fraud.
I look at my life and just can’t work out how the hell I’ve done what I’ve done … it’s a life beyond my wildest expectations and – to be honest – there’s many times where I just don’t feel I deserve it.
I’m not talking about the ‘stuff’ I’ve acquired over the years, I’m talking about everything … my wonderful wife, family, friends, experiences. The lot.
There’s a line in a movie I once watched that sums how I feel perfectly:
“I’ve worked too damn hard to be where I belong”.
I know you all think I sit on my arse writing blog posts, tweets and stupid Facebook updates, but I have – and continue to – work pretty hard and yet I know a lot of people who work way harder than me and yet they’ve had none of the breaks I’ve enjoyed, and I feel incredibly guilty about that.
I know that sounds a bit pathetic, and if I had the talent, I’d of written it better so you would realise I’m not actually being a drama/whiner queen, but that is how I feel a lot of the time. Guilty.
The reality is I have an incredible amount of hang ups and insecurities … hang ups and insecurities that cover many aspects of my life and have been there for most of my life and whilst I can keep them in check most of the time, every now and then they come out and remind me they’re there and that I should never get too comfortable because they might come out one day and stay for good.
I know what I am saying sounds like I’m depressed but I’m not – as I said, I’m just not very good at being able to find the words that capture what I really want to say because the reality is I’m just a 40 year old man trying to work out how he got so lucky and what the hell he is here for.
But that’s not why I’m writing this post.
Oh no.
Today is a good day.
A wonderful day.
A simply super day.
Why?
Well because the little fella I wrote about 2 weeks ago has had his first operation and it went really, really well and there’s no permanent damage to his hearing which makes things much easier moving forward and Brian – the man who was the reason I set up the Human_2 lobby group, moved into his first ever house last weekend.
No council assistance.
No sharing with someone else.
His own place – earnt through 3 years of dedication, passion and persistence to his job … a job he almost didn’t have because of 40 pounds, F O R T Y P O U N D S … so his news makes me incredibly proud and happy – prouder and happier than any ad or new business win could ever achieve – which is why as much as sometimes I may question what I have done to deserve my good fortune, on the other side, I’m glad it’s allowed me to get involved with a few little things that have been able to make a bit of a difference and I genuinely believe if adland followed a similar approach [ala my social capitalism rants] then not only would it help everyone in the industry feel better about themselves, it might be seen as more commercially valuable too.
So to our little friend and Brian – thank you – I owe you more than you’d ever know.