So this is my last post of 2009 … consider it my gift to you.
If I look back on the previous 12 months, I would say it’s been a much better year for me personally than professionally – and whilst there’s nothing wrong with that, I’m a greedy bastard and want both sides of my life to be huge – however even though there were a few things that kept me interested and smiling [Victoria’s Secret anyone??], the last few months have seen us being handed quite a few mental/cool/mad projects, so I have real cause to be optimistic about 2010 … especially when things like Virgin Racing are now ‘live’ which helps justify my sense of optimism.
Anyway, I guess we’ll know for sure in approx 12 months so until then, let’s revisit a post I wrote a few weeks ago.
To ensure the festive season didn’t get too happy and optimistic, I asked people to join me in a mass personal character assassination.
I made a call for suggestions of questions that we would all have to answer – with the caveat being you could veto a maximum of 2 to ensure you weren’t thrown in prison or the dole queue.
Despite the fact absolutely no other bastard has agreed to do this – I will go against adman principles – and do as I said, so for your viewing/cringing pleasure, I now reveal the dark secrets of 2009 …
____________________________________________________________________
HOW MUCH MONEY DID YOU EARN?
That is something just for me, my accountant and [possibly] my wife to know. VETO!
WHICH CLIENT DID YOU WORK WITH YOU FANCIED. OR HATED?
Well there was one client who I must admit, I found quite ‘visually’ appealing [and yes, it was a woman thank you very much] but not only does it go without saying that [1] it was only one way [2] if it wasn’t, I’d of gone running to Jill for protection and [3] my wife beats them all – except Angelina – I think it best if I move swiftly past that and concentrate on who I hated.
The only problem I have is that there wasn’t anyone I dealt with who I hated. Not one.
How terribly disappointing.
Saying that, there was one person who worked with a client of mine who I thought was an absolute cock of the highest order … and guess what, he worked for Landor!
I can’t remember his name [honest] but he was the one that said he had a proprietary tool for coming up with brand/product names and then proceeded to get upset when a week later, I pointed out that coming back to us with a choice of ONE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED NAMES indicates his ‘proprietary tool’ was either not very good at filtering or basically just an online thesaurus.
This is also the gentleman that said he had a pricey tool to help companies decide where, on the outside of corporate headquarters, their signage should go [when the answer is surely ‘the top’??] and tried to claim that developing the brand personality [when their job was to help the client define the overall brand and business plan] was ‘out of scope’.
He was a total twat … but then to be fair, he got paid a hell of a lot more cash than we did … so I guess I should be pointing my hatred towards the client in question and myself. Bugger.
WHAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST DEVIOUS THING YOU DID AND TO WHOM?
I can’t really say what this is – mainly because it’s still in ‘action’ and the other party doesn’t realise it yet. But it’s worth it – at least to us. [ie: Me, Andy & George]
NAME THE MOST STUPID QUESTION YOU HAD FROM A CLIENT AND COLLEAGUE IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS?
My favourite is when a client complained about a slide I’d submitted for a presentation.
She said she didn’t understand the relevance of having some weird person in the picture and wanted something more corporate and obvious.
Sadly for her, the picture was of the founder and CEO of the company she worked for … someone who is almost universally known … and someone I was referring to with the slide.
I genuinely didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In the end I laughed. At her.
DEFINE THE YEAR YOU’VE JUST HAD IN 3 OR LESS WORDS
Room for improvement.
DEFINE THE YEAR YOU HOPE TO HAVE NEXT YEAR IN 3 OR LESS WORDS
Arise Sir Campbell
SEEDIEST THING YOU’VE DONE ALL YEAR.
It depends on your definition of seedy … but there’s been a few … all professionally based, which kinda makes it sound even more pathetic.
I can tell you something silly though …
There is a particular person who I despise – mainly for what he has done to some good friends of mine rather than anything he has done directly to me – and I may of found myself in a situation where I was able to ‘borrow’ a couple of wheels off his office chair so he had to physically drag his sad and sorry ass around the office for a few days.
I tell you, if that did happen, it wouldn’t be big, or clever … but from what I understand was the reaction from the person-in-question … it was worth it.
Allegedly.
HOW MANY CLIENT FREEBIES DID YOU GET? ROB HAS TO INCLUDE VIRGIN FLIGHTS. TO THE NEAREST HUNDRED.
The flights/upgrades I get aren’t freebies … I just happen to be in the right place at the right time. Ahem.
Saying that, I did get the wonderful AC/DC @ Giant Stadium tickets – but as I then got bloody swine flu, I could argue it was a pretty shit gift.
So all things considered, I would say the best freebies I got in the last 12 months were either the Google phones, the opportunity to feed bears or the house. [in-joke for Andy and George there]
WHO DID YOU MOST OFTEN VISUALISE NAKED?
Me … because when I see the real thing it always ends in tears.
WHAT’S THE RUDEST THING YOU MUTTERED UNDER YOUR BREATH TO A CLIENT WHEN LEAVING THE ROOM/PUTTING THE PHONE DOWN?
I don’t tend to mutter it under my breath, but then I don’t tend to be rude – I just ask questions or point out certain things that get interpreted as being rude by insecure individuals.
Ahem.
Saying that, I did tell a creative to grow some fucking balls and stop being [his partners] doormat – so maybe that qualifies.
I should point out [can you sense the justification coming] I said this only after being subjected to months of passive aggressive provocation – passive aggressive provocation that was driven by their need to keep their fragile and minimally-justified egos in check.
BASED ON IDEAS, COMMENTS, PAYCHECK, WHO DID U LIKE MOST LAST YEAR:
[A] ROB? [B] ANDY? [C] GEORGE?
George. By a country mile. Ha.
FROM ANDY, HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU WISH YOU WERE ME?
Only when I visit the ATM.
____________________________________________________________________
Quite anti-climatic wasn’t it?
No wonder no one else did it – wish I hadn’t either – but at least I only played my veto on one question.
In the very, Very, VERY unlikely event someone else decides to answer the questions on their blog, let me know – I always like to compare how sad a bastard I am to others out there.
Anyway, moving swiftly on … I guess all that’s left to say for the year is thank you to all who checked out my rubbish and/or wrote an insightful/sarcastic comment and may you all have a toptastic festive season and 2010, just not as toptastic as mine.
Have fun, ta-ra …