I don’t normally do requests because if I did, I’d of stopped writing this blog ages ago, but my good friend – and bloody toptastic planner – Phil, asked me to write about the madness that is behind the Gilette’s ‘Fusion’ razor.
Because I believe the categories stupidity is self evident given they continually bring out more and more razors with more and more blades, I thought I’d simply recount the possible background to this latest waste of marketing shelf space.
Researcher:
“One key finding is that men are finding it hard to shave those difficult to reach bits because there are now so many blades on a razor.”
Gillette Exec 1:
“Ungrateful bastards!”
Researcher:
“In every one of out 367 focus groups, one respondent would spontaneously suggest that a razor with only one really good blade would give you a great shave and allow you to get at those difficult to reach bits because it wouldn’t be so cumbersome. Pretty much all the group respondents then enthusiastically agreed with this suggestion.”
Gillette Exec 2:
“One blade?? That’s ridiculous and shows how little those idiots know.”
Gillette Exec 4:
“Yeah, Schick’s got 4 … we can’t do one, that’s so not the best a man can get”
Gillette Exec 7:
“We need five blades”
Researcher [hesitantly]:
“Well, what about all the guys that want just one blade that gives a good shave and lets them get at those awkward bits?”
Silence, broken eventually by Gillette Exec 12 ….
“How about 5 blades with one blade on the back? We go one up on Schick and all those complaining guys get what they think they want. It’s win:win, marketing gold super-solution.”
Gillette Global VP Exec [Multi-Blade] Marketing:
“Genius… I’ve got a name for it that blends the old and the new, two razors in one, revolutionary 5 blades with traditional one blade. Gentlemen, the men of the world need the new Gillette Fusion.”
All Gillette Execs:
“Genius, you are brilliant, I wish we could be as great as you oh brilliant one”.
Rest of the World:
“Another example of a brand taking the lazy way to differentiate which actually doesn’t differentiate them at all, just shows they are lost in a blinkered battle within their category”
Wait till Gillette and Schick see this … they’re going to slit their wrists [but not as effectively as the 7 blade razor they’re bound to be working on would do!]