The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Why?

Because there’s another holiday in the land of communism.

Another BIIIIIIIIG holiday.

I know … I know … it’s utterly insane and I swear-to-god it’s not normally like this, but the fact is the country is closing down for 10 days and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Oh but I have good news for you.

Not only will there be no blog posts for a bit [which I’ll talk a bit more about in a minute], I’ll be working.

Yes, while you seethe about China having another more national holidays, I’ll be working hard … though when you read my post about it on Monday, you may disagree with my interpretation of ‘work’.

Or ‘hard’.

“But hang on …” I hear you cry, “… you said there would be no blog posts for a bit!”

Yes I did and no there won’t … in fact, for the next month, there’ll hardly be a squeak from me.

Yes, you did hear correctly … the next month.

Rejoice, rejoice.

And no, it is not – unfortunately – because the Chinese Government have decreed I should have even more holidays than the rest of the population … nor have I been sacked … it’s because I have some personal stuff I need to sort out [which is no where near as scary or dramatic as it sounds] … hence my regular dose of rubbish won’t recommence until mid October.

Yes, MID OCTOBER.

You lucky, lucky bastards.

But don’t get too smug because you will see I said ‘there’ll hardly be a squeak from me’ which is not the same as ‘you won’t hear a squeak from me’ … which means there will be the odd blog post over the next 28 days, of which one on Monday is always written.

That said, I want to leave you with a rant and so having searched high and low for something that made my blood boil, I came across this:

Yes, it’s an ad for a Skoda.

And I utterly, utterly, fucking HATE IT.

Thanks to the headline, we realise the image on the left hand side – the thing that looks like a moon buggy – is ‘not your everyday pram’.

And on the right hand side, we get told we are witnessing ‘not your everyday family car’ … except it looks exactly like your everyday family car.

Maybe they thought that sort of headline would grab your attention.

Maybe they thought it would be intriguing and you’d immediately ring your local Skoda dealer and ask for more info.

Maybe I am George Clooney and fuck hot models then ditch them just as they start to get emotionally clingy.

Oh hang on, I’m not, so maybe that means no one will pay the slightest bit of attention to this piece of advertising bullshit and bland wallpaper.

STOOOOOOOOOOP.

I’ve got it wrong.

I need to apologise.

What was I thinking. Of course a car company is not going to spend all that money on a DOUBLE PAGE SPREAD without actually talking about the unique qualities of a car they say is not your everyday car.

“Where do they say that Rob?” I hear you cry.

You silly fools … can’t you see it?

It’s there, on the right hand page in the 0.2 size font that even a scientist with 20/20 vision and a microscope couldn’t see.

And what does this micro copy say?

It say’s this:

[If you can’t read it, a larger version can be seen here]

High beam lights.

Suspension.

20 inch alloys.

Excuse me if I’m wrong, but don’t most everyday cars have those features?

Maybe when they said, ‘not your everyday family car’ they meant it from the perspective that it’s a load of big talking bollocks and you’re better off getting something else.

And what’s with all this shit comparing it to a pram?

Ignoring the fact it took me ages to work out they had [or imply they have] actually made the thing, making a big deal of adding some features to a pram – features that some top end prams sort-of have and that most prams don’t need – it’s hardly a reason to suddenly view their car as some sort of uber-wagon … especially given the things they list are available on a V reg Toyota Celica with 1,800,000 miles on the clock.

Possibly.

What next, putting some indicators on a fucking tricycle and claiming that is an example of their revolutionary thinking?

It’s utter shit.

Lazy, meaningless, badly designed, shit.

And they have the audacity to position themselves as ‘simply clever’?

Hahahahaha.

Twats.

The only thing that’s simply clever about this piece of shit is that they got client to pay for it.

Though to be fair, it smacks of an ad that the client wrote themselves, an ad designed to communicate the brands misguided, delusional ego as well as drive the patience of society to breaking point.

Except they won’t notice it or pay the slightest bit of attention to it.

And to think Skoda used to let their agency do fantastic stuff like this. Tragedy.