The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


The Spirit Of Fuckwitism …
July 13, 2011, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment, Crap Campaigns In History

I’ve worked on airline business pretty much all my career.

Actually, I’ve worked on one airline business pretty much all my career, Virgin Atlantic.

Now while I appreciate they’re different to most – if not all – the ‘established’ airline carriers, there are some things that are common across all – and one of those is to never, ever, Ever, EVER talk about safety in your comms.

Safety is a major no go.

Apart from the fact it’s a pre-requisite for all airline travel, the last thing you want to do is put any seed of doubt in the passengers mind.

Hell, I once got my knuckles rapped for jokingly suggesting the following for VA:

“Qantas are the safest airline in the World which means statistically, they are the most likely to have the next big crash”.

OK, so it was [1] statistically incorrect and [2] pretty evil … but even as a joke, it was frowned upon – that is how seriously they take this issue – which makes this new ad from one of the brands I love to hate – yes, Qantas – even more surprising …

Are they fucking mad???

“Because I can always trust them to get me home”.

Seriously!?

Do people ever choose an airline because they only ‘sometimes’ trust them to get them home?

They’re stark raving fucking mad.

OK, so their safety record is the best in the World, but …

1/ They are opening the door on the biggest airline taboo there is.

2/ If they have a major incident in the near future, their whole ‘competitive advantage’ disappears forever.

3/ Qantas have quite a track record of accidents, it’s just they pay for all ‘airline damage’ themselves, rather than claiming on insurance, which keeps their record intact.

All that aside, it’s a fucking terrible ad – from idea, visual and everything inbetween.

Now I am sure some guy at Qantas will claim this is not an ad about ‘accidents’ but simply the assurance they’re a stable airline that will always fulfill it’s ticket obligations – especially prevalent given the amount of Australasian airlines that have gone bust leaving thousands of people stranded – but even if that is the case, it’s reads absolutely like a fear mongering ad … designed to appeal to people’s sense of survival rather than their desire for a positive flying experience.

Which is handy, as you don’t get that very often on Qantas either.

Sometimes its much better to leave things unsaid … let them hang in people’s collective consciousness and build additional benefits around them to give your brand an even stronger and more powerful proposition.

Of course this is dependent on a whole host of things, however where safety is concerned, opening the door on that issue could prove to end up being the Pandora’s box you wish you kept shut … especially when there has been so many recent headlines talking about Qantas’ recent run of bad luck and maintenance.

I don’t know who did this – or who approved it – but unless we see competitive airlines running lines like …

“We Have A Bad Safety Standard Record, But We’re Cheap”.

or

“We Are The Terrorists Airline Of Choice And We Don’t Bomb Our Own”.

… I’m guessing they may live to regret putting out this crass shit.

I certainly hope so.

Guess it proves my point from Circus, when I said …

“If Qantas is the spirit of Australia, then the whole country is fucked.”


79 Comments so far
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the only time you resemble the prick i liked working with is when you write about quantarse or some other aussie corporation twats. you can say what you like about those fair dinkum, sheep fucking, convict battlers, but when they make an appearance on this shithole blog, they make it 10,000 times less painful to fucking read.

Comment by andy@cynic

Oih!

Ok, actually I agree with you. We aussies are shite.

Comment by Alex

Isn’t that “unAustralian” of you to say that?

Comment by Rob

Ah ‘unaustralian’. That’s one of those political hot phrases that means absolutely nothing. We’ve become such a nation of conformists that to even question the status quo is to e labelled ‘unaustralian’.

Comment by Alex

that ad fucking sucks. it gets extra fucking sucks points for being too fucking similar to the opening of that shit flick “love actually”. a movie universally loathed by blokes and loved by cat loving spinsters who think bridget fucking jones was a docufuckingmentary.

Comment by andy@cynic

Hadn’t noticed that, but it does. No wonder it makes me want to kill …

Comment by Rob

but they cant be as fucking shit as united? no fucker can be as shit as united.

Comment by andy@cynic

Wouldn’t slow torture leading to a miserable death be worse than United?

Comment by DH

youve just described a typical fucking flight experience with united. or a date with billy.

Comment by andy@cynic

Why am I the whipping boy? Chicks love me. I’m the Charlie Sheen of adland.

Comment by Billy Whizz

yes you fucking are. you pay for it too.

Comment by andy@cynic

Qantas: Not as bad as United.

Has a nice ring to it …

Comment by Rob

qantas. our planes have never been hijacked by terrorists.

Comment by andy@cynic

I was looking forward to bringing up United and how fucking shit they are about four words into the post Andy so I’m a bit disappointed you got stuck in before I did.

You know who’s even worse that them though?

Air France. Never have I seen such a collection of petty, sad, useless and just plain rude individuals collaborate to form what I genuinely think is the worst corporation in history.

Comment by Rafik

check out http://www.untied.com/

and of course air france are fucked up, theyre french. but the trolley dollies are hotter than british fucking airways.

Comment by andy@cynic

Air France are also the airline that:

1/ Lost my luggage … though in reality, they didn’t even bother putting it on the plane in the first place.

2/ Allowed a passenger to steal my phone from my overhead luggage while I was sleeping.

3/ Let a stowaway on board while flying Paris-Shanghai resulting in a 4 hour delay.

On the brightside, the butter they serve with their bread rolls is the finest tasting butter I’ve ever had. And I’ve had a lot of them.

Comment by Rob

did ridgeway pay you to do this?

Comment by andy@cynic

your silence speaks fucking volumes. jammy fuck.

Comment by andy@cynic

“We Have A Bad Safety Standard Record, But We’re Cheap” sounds like an updated quote from the flick Crazy People.

“Porsche, it’s a little too small to get laid in… but you get laid the minute you get out.”

“Volvo, they’re boxy but they’re good.”

“Come to NYC. It’s not as dirty as you think.”

“Jaguar- sleek and smart. For men who would like handjobs from beautiful women they hardly know!”

Comment by DH

That is meant as a compliment by the way. Good post ranting.

Comment by DH

the least shit movie dudley moore ever fucking did. though it didnt have bo dereks tits in it which makes it not as good as 10.

Comment by andy@cynic

Some of the best ads never written. The SONY one at the end of the film is especially great.

“SONY: Because caucasians are just too damn tall”.

Genius.

Comment by Rob

Wonderful ranting.
Good points.
Horrible ad.

Comment by Pete

“Sometimes its much better to leave things unsaid … let them hang in people’s collective consciousness and build additional benefits around them to give your brand an even stronger and more powerful proposition.”

The people who know when it’s best not to say something, even when it appears to be a powerful fact or benefit, are the most in-tune with societies headspace. Or they’re very brave/stupid.

Comment by Pete

stop writing planner porn.

Comment by andy@cynic

Couldn’t agree more Pete.

Comment by Rob

Branson: “Another free ultra platinum frequent flyer card to be delivered to our stealth brand ambassador campbell please.”

Comment by Billy Whizz

As far as I see it, this is not a rant, more a passionate and well argued strategic commentary on a major brands rather unusual approach to their mainstream communication.
Good work. Enjoyed every word.

Comment by George

you fucking toady bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

OK, you can come and stay with us when you’re here George.

Comment by Rob

You do realise that by saying you hope they live to regret it, you’re hoping for death and conflagration.

That aside – what George said.

Comment by john

you do realise that by saying you think campbell means death and conflagration when he says live to regret it, youre saying what you fucking thinking.

nice blamestorming.

Comment by andy@cynic

Actually I didn’t mean that … I meant I hope a load of people turn their back on the brand. Or should I say, even more people turn their back on the brand.

Like Andy said, your comment reveals way more about you than it does me. Ha.

Comment by Rob

thats because theres nothing fucking interesting to reveal about you campbell.

Comment by andy@cynic

and i take fucking exception to you saying “ive worked on one airline business pretty much all my career” because you never actually did any fucking work except pick up the free flights and upgrades. cock.

Comment by andy@cynic

By that reckoning, only George can say he worked on VA pretty much all his career.

Comment by Rob

And I do.

Comment by George

prick.

Comment by andy@cynic

The butter on Air France is from NZ?

Comment by Henk

That explains a lot.

Comment by Rob

Wrong strategy. Many airline passengers trust that an airline and its plane will help them reach home, or at least have a suspension of disbelief in order to conquer their fear of flying.

Perhaps the headline was a quote from groups? The Spirit of Australia and Qantas’ 90 years of history would make for more interesting ads. (See their spot: “I Still Call Australia Home”) Or reasons why passengers fly Quantas.

Comment by Carol L. Weinfeld

So can I ask then why an airline would work so hard to have the best record, to be leader in an area they can’t exploit fully when doing comms?

should they talk about other safety, besides falling out of the sky? to stuff people care about, like their luggage, or email connection?

that would be make me pay attention, talking sexy-hugging suitcases, instead of the above extra softporn.

Comment by niko

Because having a bad record would be bad for business and because not all competitive advantages need formal comms to become known.

Comment by john

re leader in an area: never trust statistics you havent manipulated yourself.

Comment by peggy

lies. damned lies. and statistics.

Comment by peggy

as long as they can guarantee its true what they say and are living up to it… which they cant. makes them hubristic, asinine liars. nice.

unfortunately, im not convinced it doesnt work since not everyone wants to know whats going on (looking at the ad i take it its women, of course). the horrible truth is that you can die when you fly. chances are ridiculously small and you can minimize them by not flying crumple air. but there are no guarantees. not even for your body (see air france atlantic). isnt it comforting if someone tells you otherwise. a convenient lie. they are lying. in an ad. shock. horror.

for fine tuning, i would have left “always” out. and it all looks a bit different 🙂

Comment by peggy

Liars is a bit much … more stupid and shortsighted.

Comment by Rob

At least for now. Ha.

Comment by Rob

well, just to be pedantic 😉 they are liars because they cannot guarantee that they wont have any accidents that ends in not bringing people home in the (near) future. since i am sure they know this, but say it anyway, they are liars to me. and if i look at it more closely, they also used “i”, and im so suspicious of them to think they did it to not disappoint. hey, we just portrayed a customer (who said that in a focus group).

they could also have said ‘could’ in past terms instead of “can”, not to forget “always”. pedantic semantics. but changes the meaning quite a bit. enough of this…

Comment by peggy

Strictly speaking Qantas haven’t lied because they have not lost a commercial flight. I don’t agree with their approach for the reasons Robert has stated, however saying they will “always” get you home is no different to a couple saying they will “always” love eachother, despite divorce rates hitting ratios between 1:2 and 1:3.

Comment by George

i shall clarify again. they cannot guarantee that they will always bring the passengers home. it is not possible. they know this. saying the opposite — to me this is a lie.

their positive statistics is why i suggested they should have used a past tense form. because this would not make them liars as i still think they come off in their ad.

it is similar to a couple saying they will always love each other? if you think so. doesnt make quantas statement less untrue.

Comment by peggy

like arguing with a fucking 5 year old.

Comment by andy@cynic

ever been in love? told them you loved them with all your heart? told them youd be together forever then found a few years later things changed and you broke up with them?

fucking liar.

except youre not are you peggy because everything you say is checked for zero possible misreprepresentation.

qantas are shit. the ads shit. using “always” is a fucking stupid thing to do. maybe theyll never crash, maybe they will but right now theyre not liars, theyre fucking idiots.

for the fucking record, they could say youre lying because just like they dont know if theyll crash, you dont know they will.

i agree with what youre saying but you should be careful with some of your statements because they can come across as fucked up as some of the ads you fucking hate.

Comment by andy@cynic

this might shock you andy, but i never said and would never say something like that i love someone forever. because i know there are no guarantees.

another surprise: everything i say is checked for misrepresentation before i say it. theres no point saying something which i havent thought through. doesnt mean i am free from failure. but i never claimed otherwise.

if someone issues an ad or other pieces of commercial comms it should and is checked. not for the right things i have to assume looking at the quantas ad.

if you dont think they are liars… fine, thats up to you. but that still doesnt make me think they are not.

and for the record, i said they cannot guarantee anything. which is not a lie but fact. ergo, i am not a liar.

i think you should take care to read carefully.

Comment by peggy

ok, checked carefully and saw this.

“well, just to be pedantic they are liars because they cannot guarantee that they wont have any accidents that ends in not bringing people home”.

liar.

Comment by andy@cynic

me?

Comment by peggy

well, if i ever meet you. which is even less likely than dying in a plane crash, i will remember to bring you some sugarfree candy.

Comment by peggy

As I said Niko, safety is something you expect – it’s not something you should “work hard at”, it’s something that should be at the heart of your business.

Bringing it up – especially when it is already in the consciousness – not only runs the risk of raising questions/debate that needn’t be discussed, but puts all the brands eggs into a basket, a basket that is open to being destroyed in a moment without any ability to stop it.

Comment by Rob

thanks for that Rob…

Comment by niko

i can smell the fucking sarcasm from here niko.

Comment by andy@cynic

Horrible. Why would you bring it up at all?
Pre-requisite is understatement of the year.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

maybe because theyre aussies their sense of whats good and bad is upsidefuckingdown to the rest of the world as well.

Comment by andy@cynic

that bar between the two was defiantly a conscious decision…not sure what it is suppose to mean though. Sure the planner on the account has a rational

Comment by Jacob B

Is this ad very recent? If so it may be opportunist based on Tiger airways being suspended from flying in Oz for breaching a fuck load of safety regulations.

Comment by Age

Very recent and as I said in the post, I’m sure someone at Qantas would say it’s because of the Tiger Airlines debacle, but the way it’s written is anything but isn’t it.

Comment by Rob

This post actually makes me think of the new NAB stuff… their whole “we’re not like other banks, we’re good guys” bullshit is going a long way in digging a nice fucking grave for them to be buried in the next time some scandel breaks.

Comment by Age

Don’t start me on NAB again …

http://bit.ly/kKjuUM

Too late …

Comment by Rob

isn’t that the same font as the new virgin australia ID? i fucking hate qantas (for different reasons), but at least they could have gone with ‘well, at least you get a nice meal and you don’t have to pay for your luggage’ deal.

and for the record, i’ve gotten home way quicker and easier with a bunch of other airlines (including BA) than i have with QF

but i guess they’re not pitching at me. they’re pitching at the nervous, white, 18 year old who has never left the state, let alone the country and she/he is shit scared before her big OE. scared is good..

Comment by lauren

I love you Lauren.

Comment by Rob

you’re so easy to please.

Comment by lauren

so security issues is a major no go. but the fear of flying isnt. for example, lufthansa offers seminars for people who have a fear of flying. i think thats quite smart to do, since they indirectly address the security issue, or actually the fear dying, which the quantas ad tries to cater to.

Comment by peggy

Most airlines offer that service Peggy.

Comment by DH

i didnt know they do. i just thought it makes more sense to address the issue of fear from the overcoming angle instead of playing to it. if most airlines do, im not alone in thinking that then, ha!

Comment by peggy

so i googled a bit and looked at some websites and ‘most’ seems to be a bit of an overstatement from what ive found. but qantas did have a logo on a website of a fearless flyers site. which needs a bit of working over.
i also dug up a usa today article which says that several major us airlines had free seminars eliminated due to budget cuts. from what i gathered its mostly outsourced/collaboration stuff at the price of a flight, nowadays. except for va. but i guess you knew that already DH.

Comment by peggy

Most airlines offer that service Peggy. Virgin even have an app for people to listen to when they’re flying. Some airlines might outsource it, some may have stopped doing it but most major airlines will look for a way to help because it’s in their interests.

Comment by DH

most isnt most major. semantics yeah. and i was talking about seminars. as were you with your cryptic answer. im happy to change subjects and learn that most major airlines will look for a way to help because the last time ive flown was klm and all the help the rude staff offered was a sick back having “welcome onboard” on it. how very apt hahaha.

Comment by peggy

Just seen this …

The majority of major airlines do offer ‘flying fear programs’ whether it’s seminars, documented advice or apps. I don’t think Dave was wrong in what he said – except for missing out the word ‘major’ and not highlighting that he was being general about airline programs rather than specifically talking about seminars so I don’t see why you’re going on the attack Peggy.

Unless we have misread what you’re saying. Again.

Comment by Rob

“missing out the word ‘major’ and not highlighting that he was being general about airline programs rather than specifically talking about seminars” is the whole point, especially since i was talking about seminars. its impossible to misread that. again.

Comment by peggy

http://youtu.be/LS37SNYjg8w just thought a little laughter wouldnt spoil the situation 🙂

Comment by peggy




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