The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Tulips On My Organ …
October 12, 2010, 5:59 am
Filed under: Comment

So I’m off to Amsterdam tomorrow. For the day.

Actually it’s not even a day – because the meeting starts at 11am.

Of course, because I’m leaving from Shanghai, it means it’s basically going to take at least 3 days to go there, have the meeting and get back home again.

So not only will it take 72 hours for a 5 hour meeting, but the chances of me updating this blog for the rest of this week are basically zero.

How will you all cope?

Ahem.

But here’s the thing, whilst that information might make a ‘time and motion expert’ have a shit attack, the reality is I always end up doing more work when I’m away than I do when I’m at the office.

Now I know a lot of you think I do no bloody work at all – but believe it or not, I do – however when I’m away and done all the things I have to do [work] and want to do [explore] I find myself in my hotel room either catching up on the stuff I’ve missed, or doing the stuff that I always want to do but never seem to have the time to finish.

I am sure part of this is because when I’m away, I’m away from many of the things that consciously and/or subconsciously ensures there’s an ‘end point’ to my day.

Even though I will Skype with my wife, knowing I won’t physically see her means my urge to be with her has to be put on hold until I am home. Same with the cat.

[‘Be with her’ being a phrase about love, not perversion – especially if I say the same thing about Rosie the moggy!!]

If I’m hungry I can call room service and have anything I want delivered to my room and there’s a never-ending stream of Diet Coke either in the mini-bar or at the end of the phone.

Hell, even if the footie is on, I can sit there and watch it while I’m tapping away doing some bollocks on my computer.

In short, being away gives my employers a better return-on-their investment than when I am in the office – and that’s taking into account the cost of airfairs, hotels and food.

While I would never try and claim going away for work is a pain, there is an element of sacrifice in it – especially when you’re booked on 6am flights – and that is why I hate it when some companies treat anyone they’re sending away as if they’re having a luxury paid holiday.

I remember when we were doing our WPP experiment, one of their accountants questioned how much work I was doing as I was flying so often for them.

His view was that if I was on a plane, it meant a day out the office which in his one-dimensional, petty little mind translated to me having an additional day of paid holiday.

When I pointed out that the workload doesn’t stop when I am in the sky he still looked nonplus … so to fuck him off, I wrote to Sir Martin – copying the penny-pinching accountant – to state he had an employee who was obsessed with eradicating all wasteful employee time, however as he [Sir Martin] had been away on more company trips than me in that current year, he should pull his socks up because he’s obviously wasting more shareholder value than he’s earning.

Sure I got a bollocking but so did the accountant [not Sir Martin, the other one] because while work is important and – occasionally – fun, it’s no substitute for being at home with people who really care about you and your well being.

Mind you, I get to see old friends – and hopefully meet some of my previously ‘virtual’ ones – so even if the meeting is pants, something tells me the overall trip won’t be, even with a head of jetlag & a stomach full of plane “food”.

Goodbye Shanghai. Hello Amsterdam.


50 Comments

you have got to be fucking shitting me. another holiday. who the fuck do you think you are, a wag?

still youre nowhere near me so i dont give a fuck but does this mean niko is going to have the most unpleasant few hours of his life? poor fucker.

the sorrell story is not one of your best, selling his business card or comparing him to toad of toad hall the day before you had a meeting with him was far fucking better. and you still didnt get sacked, you must have some fucking good dirt on him campbell. my advice would be to exploit the fuck out of it and that way maybe youll stop ruining my life.

and i know youre going to amsterdam and will be busy “working” as you and a bunch of other w+k freeloaders have an emergency meeting to decide what to do with a blank wall to make it w+k cool and fucking arty but theres no fucking way this will be your last post of the week because theres too many fucking prozzies in clogland for you not to write some tenuous planning bollocks about.

the only possible fucking answer for getting these jobs is you sold your soul to the devil but as its questionable you ever had one, you must be satan himself. funny, i always thought hed be taller an much better fucking looking.

happy blagging. parasite.

Comment by andy@cynic

“you and a bunch of other w+k freeloaders have an emergency meeting to decide what to do with a blank wall to make it w+k cool and fucking arty”

Gold and most likely true.

Comment by Billy Whizz

of course it fucking is. i said it.

Comment by andy@cynic

Unfortunately I agree with Billy … that might just about capture what I’m going to be doing. That and sitting in an overpriced restaurant answering questions about why I wear Birkenstocks in 13 degree weather.

And I’m sorry Andy that you feel that Sorrell story wasn’t one of my best – personally I thought it was quite a good one and I certainly got seriously bollocked for it but not, unsurprisingly, as much as I did for auctioning off his biz card.

Comment by Rob

Best comment ever ’emergency meeting to decide what to do with a blank wall to make it look W+K cool’
I’m in a deserted office right now (considering this is Yorkshire, they’re not that hard working here, it’s past 8am for God’s sake) and the laughter is echoing in a disturbingly ghostly way

Comment by northern

have you considered campbell, that the reason you travelled so much with us was because we preferred it that way? jill included. just some food for fucking thought.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes. I have also considered the fact Jill paid for it. Either that, or she’s bought a fuckload of shoes while she’s been away.

Comment by Rob

The thought of you doing the stuff you’ve always wanted to do in your hotel room is too much to contemplate.

I can only hope you spend some time in the lobby people-watching and call it ethnography.

Comment by John

you fucking hate this ethnography stuff dont you dodds. mainly because its not ethnography, its called sitting on your arse with an overpriced fucking coffee watching people. or talking to your mum as she unpacks the shopping from tescos.

youre alright dodds. underneath it all. if you look hard enough. and get the day just right.

Comment by andy@cynic

Does that mean another episode of Twitter stalking?

Comment by northern

You’re the only person I know who’ll go to Amsterdam and do nothing that you should do in Amsterdam. Some people would say that makes you a good guy, I say it makes you a fucking idiot.

Puff the magic dragon……

Comment by Billy Whizz

emphasis on puff.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’ve just gone in a time machine and come out in 1977 judging by that comment. Who needs hair dye and anti aging creams when you have Andy’s playground taunts at hand?

Comment by Rob

It’s great to be able to travel for work but I agree that you often end up working more hours than when you’re in the office because you not only have to make up for what you’ve lost in travel time, you also have to make up the hours spent in whatever mindless meeting you’ve been asked to attend.

But despite that, it’s still better than sitting opposite Andy as he tries to put you off by playing porn loudly through his computer speakers.

Have fun in Amsterdam, if you have to be away, it’s not a bad place to be.

Comment by Pete

you fucking loved it you whiney little fuck.

Comment by andy@cynic

I only wrote that because Sarah was looking over my shoulder.

Comment by Pete

i taught you well.

Comment by andy@cynic

I didn’t mean to sound as if I was ungrateful traveling for work – I love it and genuinely believe it is an amazing thing to be able to do – I just meant that too many people in departments such as accounts treat it as if the person is going on a company paid holiday when it is very rarely anything of the sort plus being away from family is never a nice thing … well at least from my perspective.

Comment by Rob

lamest attempt to sell an all expenses fucking paid party as hard work that ive ever seen. your

colleagues will see right through it and hopefully smash your fucking face in for it.

Comment by andy@cynic

Damn, that’s me screwed because I have to go into WIP before I take off which means they’ll be waiting to ram their fists down my throat which was what I was trying to avoid.

Comment by Rob

I am in Utrecht this week Robert. Would you like to try and meet up so we can debate who misses their family more?

Comment by Lee Hill

Your trip will be fab! We’ll make sure it is!

Comment by truuskie

You now have google ads in the comment section. Do you really want to have google ads in the comments section?

Comment by Marcus

More air miles? Bloody hell…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

hes got more than clooney in that overrated pile of shite up in the air. id still shag the bird he shagged though.

Comment by andy@cynic

amsterdam. great city. and i heard they sell seldom cookies and cake in the coffee shops there. though the service is said to be as slow as at the jamaica blue in shanghai. but makes it a great place for just being a time and motion expert watching people, doesnt it 🙂 have fun working.

Comment by peggy

your timing, rob, is shithouse. just so you know.

i’m going to be in amsterdam in two weeks’ time – not today, silly. and the fact that there is no time for a side-trip to berlin? useless.

‘cos it’s all about me, you know 😀

seriously – have a great time. xx

Comment by lauren

or fucking excellent timing by you lauren.

Comment by andy@cynic

anyone heard if a plane to amsterdam has been hijacked with the terrorists saying they want to go as far away from prozzie central as fucking possible? im just assuming the wieden fuckers have come to their senses and will do all they can to stop him getting past the borders.

Comment by andy@cynic

If it’s not W+K, it’ll be Niko.

Comment by Billy Whizz

well hes not been on here for fucking ages so hes either been busy at plane hijacking school or packing up his stuff and getting the fuck out of tulipland.

Comment by andy@cynic

he’s in amsterdam. the cold weather has said hello to his birkenstock-wearing tootsies, apparently. and niko is alive and threatening me with doctor phil. it’s all fun in the lowlands.

Comment by lauren

dr phil is a fucking perv. are you saying niko wants to try it on with you? hes only human i suppose (or maybe hes not, would explain a fuck load) just dont break his arm in too many places lauren.

Comment by andy@cynic

niko is already afraid of me. don’t worry andy, we’re safe. 🙂

Comment by lauren

what a fucking wimp. but i wouldnt say that to your face.

Comment by andy@cynic

probably because you never leave the house.

Comment by lauren

because the construction team have hung the doors wrong.

Comment by John

quite glad i’m no longer going into accounting. in canada, the accounting bodies try to brainwash you while you’re still in high school…

Comment by nik

The plane wasn’t hijacked however the customs officers did pull me aside and take an hour to go through my bag [which was quite impressive given how little I’ve brought with me] … however I didn’t get the rubber glove treatment so now I’m in the land of orange, tall men/women and canals and waiting for my meeting to start.

Seems that’s another trait of W+K’s “culture”. ha.

Comment by Rob

Some people go t Amsterdam to pay for the rubber glove treatment, perhaps they refrained to keep the hookers in business, but I guess as your perennial research recruits you’d already know that

Comment by northern

perennial or perineal?

Comment by lauren

Ouch that’s sharp

Comment by northern

I can hear you … you know that don’t you?

Comment by Rob

I love the fact that this is more interesting than the searing brilliance of the cream of WK plannerdom (or are they reading it too) if so, will you please open an office in the North of England

Comment by northern

have you said they should be making fucking cars yet?

Comment by andy@cynic

No, I’m waiting till they’ve exhausted themselves from all the Brand Onion talk.

[NOTE: There’s been no brand onion talk … which makes me want to start it just to freak the fuck out of them]

Comment by Rob

what is it with making cars every once in a while? i take it its an inside joke.

Comment by peggy

campbell has this stupid idea about creating stuff not just ads and ever since that fucking moped thing, he has been fixated on developing a car. or a plane. or a fucking rocket. he wants to be a fucking industrialist, not a fucking planning cock. which shows hes not as fucking stupid as he looks. just.

Comment by andy@cynic

W+K airlines launches soon. Well, it will when I figure out how to put a manufacturing plant on expenses.

Comment by Rob

Lovely quote about W&K Andy. Pure, pure gold.

Comment by Will




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