The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Jumble Sale Blogging …
December 5, 2008, 7:00 am
Filed under: Comment

Given this week has featured blog posts about death, terrorism, flu and stupid things my wife has said when she’s half asleep, I thought this would be an opportune time to churn out a post with a bunch of stuff that has been lying in my Flickr folder for ages.

Remember that Singaporean DVD that John Dodds wanted to get a copy of?

The one that taught parents what their kids were up to when their back was turned?

Well I don’t know what’s happened, but the nanny-state has seemingly gone sexuality crazy because passing another DVD store, I came across [not the best choice of words there] this …

Keeping in the theme of sex – and possibly John Dodds – I recently saw an ad in the US for the dating website

Despite the internet not being ‘new’ anymore, there’s still some people out there who feel there’s a stigma attached to meeting a partner online which is why I’ve always loved’s line of ‘It’s OK to Look’.

Saying that, I can’t help but feel should broaden their positioning because it’s almost like they are perpetuating the taboo rather than addressing it – however that’s not what this post is about, it’s about this …

Now maybe I’m a sick ol’ bastard, but does the girl in that ad look very young?

Then there’s the fact her supposed username is ‘TWOBITS12’.

Jesus, why not go the whole hog and call her ‘BreastsLike2BeansOnAPieceOfToast’

Going off on a slight tangent …

A lot of people out there think Singapore in a clinical, repressed, patriarchal dictatorship … and whilst there are more than a couple of things that I don’t agree with, I believe it is an amazing country that has demonstrated creativity and vision to get where it is at.

Saying that, I was somewhat alarmed when I walked into shop and saw this on sale …

Now I appreciate most of you will be too young to remember Cutting Crew … hell, even I am almost too young to remember Cutting Crew … but the fact is, they had one hit [I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight] back in 1827 or something, so the fact they not only recorded a live DVD but have it currently on sale in Singapore is beyond all comprehension.

Jesus, it’s not like they were the Elvis or Beatles of their day – more like the Aqua or Craig McLachlan.

I can only assume the ‘Full House Rock Show’ is some German thing given that nation seem to be the home for the ‘one hit, bad hair’ wonder.

Hasselhoff anyone?

Finally, I’d like to go back to an issue close to my heart – innovation for the sake of innovation.

As much as I have a real problem with the LG brand – or should I say the people who run LG – I have always been a big fan of their ‘Mecca Phone’ developed in association with my friends at Y&R Malaysia.

I’ve said it many times, but I think the future for brands and NPD is cultural insight rather than just category and in that product, they demonstrated it’s power in spades.

Saying that, I always sort of guessed it was a one off and as time has passed – with them launching a continuous stream of style over substance phones – I guess I was proved right.

However if anything was needed to really bang home that LG adopt a scatter gun approach to product development, then this new product exemplifies it perfectly.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I give you the WINE PHONE …

Look how clever the creatives are to have someone hold that phone like a waiter serving a customer a bottle of wine.

See how they cleverly imply this phone is for a higher class of user with the words ‘For the truly discerning’.

Stand back and applaud when in the features they say ‘User Friendly Keypad’ even though it looks exactly like every other fucking keypad in the World, except that old Nokia mobile which for some reason was made to look like an old phone dial.

But that’s not all … the reason it’s called the WINE PHONE is because it has an inbuilt Wine Encyclopaedia.


Imagine how truly discerning you’ll look when you pull out that phone in a restaurant and search for the details of a wine that is on the menu. Relax in the knowledge that you will be able to tell the Maitre’d you won’t be long because you have a ‘user friendly keypad’.

What next, a phone with books ISBN numbers?

I appreciate there are a lot of people out there who are massive fans of wine – but I don’t think a phone by a fucking Korean manufacture is going to be something they’ll trust and be happy to be seen consulting.

There’s so many things that they could of put into their phone that would of been truly useful to users – that it’s almost worth applauding their complete lack of judgement.

Seriously, this sort of thing makes me sick – and I can only assume it was an old model they’d been trying to flog to the blind/elderly that they had gathering dust in a warehouse.

So to LG … … Cutting Crew and the Singaporean pervs, I thank you for reinvigorating my anger/curiosity and I bid you all a wonderful weekend.

12 Comments so far
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and from out of nowhere campbell comes out with a post that reminds me of a time where i almost enjoyed reading this shit.

this has all the classic campbell hallmarks. tangent commentary, alleged humour, sarcasm, slander and the odd dash of planner wank insight mixed up amongst it all.

i didnt think you still had it in you campbell. nice way to end the week though youre proving your own fucking point about ignoring tragedy and focusing on yourself which in your case means talking shite, humiliating dodds and taking the piss out of l fucking g

Comment by andy@cynic

Well obviously I am over the moon to have your approval Andy. Seriously, without that I’d be questioning whether life is worth living. 🙂

Comment by Robert

This post placed a smile on a miserable face. My wife thanks you.

Comment by Lee Hill

this post is awesome, i love when you go on random anger barrages!

that phone is one of the dumbest things i’ve ever seen. i’d like to say i can’t wait to run into someone who has one just so i can take the piss out of them, but i highly doubt anyone would be a dumb enough wanker to actually buy one. though the world continues to amaze me, so who knows…

have a good weekend everyone.

Comment by Age

The are presenting the phone like a Sommelier would do with a wine at a restaurant.

Comment by Wine Blog

Please tell me “Wine Blog” is taking the piss with that comment. We all have eyes, we can see what they’re trying to do but it still doesn’t make it better.

A fine return to form Robert.

Comment by Bazza

the Full House rock show: remember that bad 90s show with John Stamos, who was this wannabe drummer, who ended up playing with the Beach Boys?? I’m guessing Cutting Crew, and maybe many other faded, mediocre bands from the 80s appeared on it. Awesome!!

Next on LG’s list: the Whine phone – endorsed by Amy and unhappy wives everywhere.

oh, and for the record – i would love an ISBN app on my phone. ( and that’s probably why i’m single…)

Comment by lauren

you and billy were made for eachother lauren

Comment by andy@cynic

are you basing that on the full-house reference, the whinehouse pun, the isbn app or the bitching about being single?

Comment by lauren

as i said. made for eachother

Comment by andy@cynic

Aaah LG, one of my favourite ex-clients. Rob, I noticed two little wotsits in the corner of this wonderful piece of communication. ‘Dream Service’ with its wonderful tagline of ‘one call makes life good’ A little under promise I think. Plus what the fuck is ‘Zitron’ when its at home. Off the point completely ( a bit like one of your posts), I watched This is England by Shane Meadows last night. Wonderful, scared the shit out of me!!

Comment by martin

Martin? Is that Bangkok Martin? If it is … hello matey, how the hell are you.

THIS IS ENGLAND is brilliant isn’t it. And it’s scary because it’s true … especially for me as it’s based on Nottingham in the 80’s. Though to be fair, I grew up in painfully middle class West Bridgford whereas Shane Meadows based it on his area, which was about 2 miles from house – ironically called The Meadows.

And as for LG … maybe their ‘Dream Service’ is a premium rate sex line? It might happen given they’re so fucked in all matters of marketing.

I would rather be a bombed Iraqi than work on LG again … and no, that is not an exaggeration 🙂

Comment by Rob

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