The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Basically I want to see your bad taste. No, commenting on this blog is not enough, I want to see when your judgement and taste really deserted you – or, if you’re feeling brave/stupid – your other halves.

What I’m after is a photo [either sent in to me or appearing on your own blogs] of the worst item of clothing currently in your wardrobe.

I appreciate that many of you – like me – might of chucked the really horrendous stuff for fear of being arrested by either the style Police or Trinny and Susannah – however, of what is in there now, I’d like to see the most horrendous thing you own … either because someone who hates you [even though they pretend to love you] bought it for your displeasure or you had a brain aneurism and bought it yourself.

To get things going, I hereby present the 2 horrors in my household …

[I would of got us to model them but [1] Jill was at work and [2] there’s already enough shocking photos of me flying around so I just couldn’t be bothered]

Rob’s Wardrobe Nightmare

OK so the cat likes it but she’s likes everything!

Now I know this might not seem too bad – but that’s because [1] the photo doesn’t do it justice and [2] one of the benefits of moving countries all the time is that you chuck out all the really horrendous stuff every couple of years.

And while it might not be as disgusting as the neon lilac and green jackets I had … or the baggy paint splattered skater trousers … or the fucking black leather waistcoat [the 80’s were really fucked weren’t they!] it’s still a bright fucking red, baggy kaftan which doesn’t exactly do a bald, blind, whiter-than-white bloke from Nottingham any justice.

Jesus fucking christ!

When even the cat is trying to hide from it, you know it’s shit. Actually it’s worse than shit – it makes Stevie Wonder glad he’s blind.

To be fair to Jill, even she realised it was horrendous the moment she got it home – to the point it has never [and never will] see sunlight – but it’s still in her wardrobe which has to be contravening some Singaporean law or something.

It’s like an aerial view of some war massacre – with every colour and pattern competing with itself.

The only people who would like it are the cross-dressing community in San Fran, but as glad as I’d be to get it out the house for once and all, I can’t let Jill take it out in public – even in a plastic bag – because knowing our luck we’d be stopped for some driving violation and then get thrown in Alcatraz for owning clothing of mass humiliation.

Infact it’s so horrendous, I don’t want to give it any more publicity so moving quickly on …

Ahem.

OK folks, I’ve aired our dirty laundry [not literally, it’s a figure of speech] so fling open those drawers, pull out your clothing skeletons and show the World you’re a reformed character … I promise I won’t hold it against you, though whether your family will is another thing altogether, ha!

I won’t say there’ll be no blogging for another month because that will plainly be untrue – but there certainly won’t be as much as there has this week [can you tell I’ve been at home, haha] however when I return properly, I hope to have some rather interesting news – well interesting for me/us, not you lot who plainly [and quite understandably] couldn’t give a toss.

See you soon …