The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Taking The Piss ..
January 9, 2008, 7:25 am
Filed under: Comment

the Foley catheter

So a clients client has just asked if we can develop a strategy for them that will justify a US$20 million increase in their annual comms budget.

And they need it in 7 days.


Now I know [very occasionally] we can be quite good … but the only idea we’ve managed to come up with is to write a document that simply say’s …


Hey, it answers the brief and you can’t deny it has a strong business case going for it. 

Anyway, if any of you have suggestions [think interms of an idea that will justify bringing people together to celebrate the best of humanity] then please send them in because so far our only response has been “You must be fucking joking”

25 Comments so far
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I may have completely misunderstood what you’re asking, but a good way to kill 20 mill is to host an event. Not sponsor, but CREATE an entire event with some sort of human benefit that gets communities involved and interacting with your brand. Think “Run London” etc… I dunno, I’m tired.

Comment by Age

No that’s fine Age …

Of course whether doing an event would be right for the clients business goal is another thing [but you wouldn’t know that] … but hey, given they are searching for any reason to justify a US$20mill increase in their budget, we can safely say common sense has gone right out the window.

Any other ideas?

Comment by Rob

yeah, i’m a little confused as well.

you mean, somebody out there has 20million to spend and they can’t find a way to justify it? and they want to use it to generate a celebration of humanity? how about dropping 200,000 $100 bills from an aeroplane and watching all humanity fly out the window as people fight til death to get their hands on it…

or “got 20 million bucks to celebrate humanity, but don’t quite know where to start? let’s give it to some people who started long before you did.” and then give it away in cold hard cash: those in welfare, people doing social research into happiness within communities, arts projects that encourage interactivity, sports clubs, educational facilities.

fucking morons.

Comment by lauren

A little more on the background of the company (what they do) and why they want to celebrate humanity will be of great help. Have a list of 20 ideas for celebration of humanity, just need to find out which one will be really effective. 😉

Comment by poor\

I think you may have just discovered the missing link. In fact, you may have discovered a room full of them touting blackberries.

Darwin would have been so pleased with you.


Comment by Marcus

OK, let me make it abit clearer …

The company in question wants to ask their bosses for an additional US$20 million and we have been asked to come up with a strategic reason why they should cough up.

The actual reason he wants the money is because he is mental. OK … not mental, but severly touched. And yes, that is a qualified prognosis!

The reason why HE wants an idea about ‘celebrating humanity’ is because

[1] it’s an Olympic year so there’s always money availble to spout that sort of rubbish, despite ..

[a] the Olympics being about celebrating winners not humanity]
[b] they have absolutely nothing to do with the Olympics
[c] everyone has already done their Olympic campaigns by now – so they’re VERY late


[2] he thinks this idea will touch the hearts of his superiors so they won’t seek as much strategic validation for their investment.

Obviously he is quite simply mad – but it’s a favour for a clients client so I’d like to at least have a go, if only so I can blackmail my client at a later date.

PS: The reason I’m not mentioning the company is because I don’t want my client to get in trouble. Sorry, but I do have some business common sense. I did say ‘some’. 🙂

Comment by Rob

Well, since this company has nothing to do with Olympics and his idea is to touch the hearts of his superior using ‘celebration of humanity’, here’s a simple idea:
During the Olympics the company should do a contest. Preferably an online contest supported by the mobile platform. A guessing game, maybe. Example – How many metals will Somalia win? Or will Nigeria win the relay 4 x 100 mt relay race? Etc. The objective of the contest is to gather support for economically backward countries of Africa and Asia. Distribute contest forms/leaflets to spectators. They can reply back sending an SMS or log on to a website created for the same.
WTF, this isn’t so exciting. But workable. Let me think some more. Ha.

Comment by poor\

This is genius – I think I should ‘farm out’ all my work this way! Thanks Poor\

Comment by Rob

Am also getting to work on the campaign? 😉

Comment by poor\

Nigeria won’t win the relay – what’s my prize.

Comment by John

20 Million I think John.

Comment by Marcus

Maybe Nigeria will win the marathon.

Comment by poor\

Well what about the angle that while the olympics are showcasing the worlds best athletes, this brand recognises the brilliance in the rest of humanity?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I think you should read this post [] before making suggestions like that Mr M, hahaha!

Comment by Rob

Just an idea..!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Humanity is about helping others, encouraging dreams and maximising potential. So, take the 20 million and spend it on sports development projects in underdeveloped nations to encourage kids inspired by the 2008 Olympic to compete in 2012 or beyond.

Comment by John

It’s a good idea Mr M – I’m just being a wanker.

And John, given you have claimed ‘ownership’ of said 20 million dollars, do I take it that you’re actually volunteering to finance this scheme?

Comment by Rob

Subject to management and consultancy fees – of course.

Comment by John

How generous John, the contract allows fixed costs of $1m. So please wire the $19m immediately to:

Brand X c/o The Mortimer Bugatti Veyron Fund, England

Comment by Rob Mortimer

That sort of comment would bring a tear to Andy’s cold, souless heart.

Comment by Rob

Wouldn’t it just 🙂

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I’m almost missing the bad tempered fart.

I did say ‘almost’.

Comment by Rob

Management and consultancy fees are never fixed costs.

Comment by John

That’s what ENRON said …

Comment by Robert

They are when they are the in the contract you just verbally agreed to.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

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