The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

The 2007 Jesus Come Back Special … [Closing The Door On 2007!]
December 21, 2007, 7:23 am
Filed under: Comment

Elvis Jesus - Comeback Special! 

So another year is over – and what a year.

Engagement … Birth … Death … New Friends … Old Friends … People I love, leaving … People I hate, coming … Marriage … Al Gore …

Oh, and I even managed to squeeze in the odd bit of work as well! Not too much mind!

All in all I’d rate this year a B+ … and while you may think that’s ‘low’, it’s quite positive given the highest grade I’ve given in the last 10 years is probably a C+, ha!

I’m going to be blog free till W/C 7th Jan 2008 … so before I launch into one mad, final rant … I’d like to take this opportunity to say a massive thank you to all those who have visited this blog [let alone commented on my ranting rubbish] and I wish each and everyone of you a fantastic festive season [see how politically correct I am, ha] with the next 12 months hopefully being the most exciting of your life yet.

[In the case of Gareth and his impending fatherhood, I think it’s safe to say that’s definitely going to be the case! Ha]

Being all sentimental for a moment … if I could have one little wish, it would be that both Mr M and Marcus are [whether they like it or not] employed in an agency that values their passion, charisma and intelligence. Why they’ve not been picked up yet is beyond me, but I am confident common sense will prevail next year and I encourage any agency folk who read this blog to check them out.

While I’m at it, I also want dear Lauren to find a place that lets her shine and grow because she’s a talented bugger who will make great things happen if given the chance. She’s also smarter and more insightful than many planners out there so again, to any agency folk who read my rubbish, definitely check her out.

Finally to my beloved friends Jonathan & Truus who followed us to Singapore and are now heading off back to Holland.

I wish you [and the dog and bird] a safe journey home – thanks for all the friendship, laughter and support over the last couple of years – see you soon and I look forward to witnessing the resurrection of Strawberry Frog, because if anyone can make it happen, you can!

OK … all done?

In that case – lets rant!


Christmas is always an interesting time.

Relationships form … relationships end [though January is actually the most common month for divorce proceedings to start, at least in Western countries] … people get drunk … people get laid … people get fat … however the trait I find the most interesting of them all is that people suddenly seem to lose all sense of judgement and taste.

OK, so there’s always the idiot who buys a pile of shite because they only realise it’s Christmas at 4:59pm on the 24th December … however even those individuals who can plan things more than a month in advance seem to fall into some weird Third Dimension around December, because they suddenly seem to view crapper-than-crap products as the greatest thing they’ve ever seen and cough up ridiculous amounts of cash to own them because they believe they’re ‘novel’ and a great ‘stocking filler’.

Hell, I can’t talk, in cynic‘s 2nd year we made and sold 10,000 Christmas Cards [“Happy Christmas, Lets Hope It’s Your Last”] and Christmas Books [The Little Book Of Procrastination – which started with  “Once upon a time …” and then had nothing but blank pages throughout the rest of the book] simply because we knew common sense goes out the window the moment tinsel goes up in the lounge.

However I recently spotted something so bad that I thought I’d better warn the blinkered-Christmas-shopper from making a potentially massive mistake.

Ladies and gentlemen, whatever you do, however desperate you are, I beg you not to fall for the charms of the ‘Photo Mouse’ …

Stupid Idea

Yes … you cut out a photo of your loved ones and slide it into some boring computer mouse.

How shit is that eh?

Now putting aside the fact your loved ones have been incorporated into a tool you use for work [I mean, is a dedicated photo frame too much to ask for?] … when you use a mouse, your hand covers the majority of the device – so any photo that’s been carefully placed there won’t be seen for pretty much the entire time you’re working.

For fucks sake, didn’t anyone think about this?

Of course in their communication they say things like ‘Show Your Love’ ‘ Whose The Most Important In Your Life’… however as far as I’m concerned, if someone used one of these products, my advice would be to run for the hills because the bastard who owns it is either going to leave you or kill you.

Talking of killing in association with Christmas, how about this ever-so-subtle ad for internet security …


How nice is that eh?

I particularly love the Christmas Stocking they’ve shoved on the already cluttered page to make it feel ‘festive’.

Christ, talk about fear mongering.

Why don’t they go the whole hog and put a picture of Gary Glitter [or Dodds, hahaha] caressing the hair of some young, blue-eyed innocent angel.

I appreciate the internet can be a dangerous place – but so can most things – and surely there is a better way to sell this product than basically imply your kid is going to be sold into sex-slavery the moment they go online.

I’m sure it will be effective, but to me it’s lazy advertising using the lowest common denominator approach – and while anything is easy for the person who doesn’t have to do it, I genuinely believe there’s a much better way to approach the communication of this product [which can be just as effective, if not more so] without the over-reliance of fear as a central message.

[I’d offer some alternatives but it’s been a long year, it’s Christmas, my brains abit fried and no one really reads this shit anyway, ha!]

So there you go, the last little rant of ’07 … I hope you enjoyed it but lets face facts … you probably got bored after the 2nd paragraph and went off to make a cup of tea.

All that leaves me to say is have a great break and I hope to see you all again in ’08 – it’s going to be a great year!


PS: This is a private message for someone very special to us …

jesus santa Behold, it’s Billy the ‘Jesus Santa!’

Told you he’d do it! 🙂  We miss you.

21 Comments so far
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Congratulations Billy, you’ve managed to offend both Christians and children in equal measure. I hope I see you dressed like that at the party tomorrow, should cause quite the stir.

Comment by Lee Hill

thanks rob for your lovely sentiment, what a sweetie you are (i just hope my new employers don’t read this blog! ha!). to you, jill and the rest of the cynic crew, much love to you all and i hope you have a fucking fantastic festive season. i look forward to the madness again next year!

and billy – that’s brilliant – you’re almost a Buddy Christ incarnate!

Comment by lauren

sorry lee, that was a one off but dont worry, my Rudolph Jesus with a twist of Christmas Elf will go down a storm.

And to my tattooed partner in crime, have a great time and I hope to see you in NYC in 08.

Comment by Billy Whizz

same goes billy! but i have a feeling (or rather, my bank is telling me outright) that NYC is off the list next year.

Comment by lauren

Talk nicely to George, he’s got info on Branson that can get anyone a free flight 🙂

Comment by Billy Whizz

I think if that girl gets an internet security package in her stocking, she’ll have to turn to getting sweets from strangers…

Comment by Dave Mortimer

Very true Dave – and I know a very, very sick joke that sort of links to your comment but as it’s Christmas, I think I’ll leave it. At least till the New Year, haha!

Comment by Rob

Well thank you for the nice sentiments 🙂

If you think that mouse is bad you should see some of the house decorations round here. They go beyond tacky and into the realm of ‘oh dear god I am blind…’

That ad is worthy of Brass Eye.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Happy holidays guys and to all the Cynic staff in Singapore and the readers of this fine fine brog as they say in Asia 😉

Comment by Charles Frith

You’re not talking about your HOME decorations are you Mr M?

Whilst the UK has more than its fair share of tackier-than-tat, it is hard to beat an attempted ‘snow scene’ in Singapore when it’s 35 degrees with 100% humidity.

And when I say ‘snow scene’ … I’m not talking fake snow, oh no – the daft bastards have a machine shoving tons out, only to melt within a second of hitting the atmosphere. Tossers 🙂

Comment by Rob

But not my band of merry WPP ‘friends’ Charles?

You’re even tougher than I am, ha!

Comment by Robert

I wish you all, a very merry Christmas.


Comment by Marcus

And to you my dear Marcus – and have a bloody toptastic time with the kids.

I’ll be thinking of you, George and Fred on Christmas day and just feeling grateful I only have a cat, wife and Mum to please, haha!

Comment by Rob

I don’t get to see the kids until the 27th – but it will be the same. You evil shite.

Comment by Marcus

Just incase it came out wrong – I genuinely didn’t mean that to come out bad or insinuate something nasty.

Everyone knows how much you love and miss your kids, I was just saying 3 girls at Christmas would be very tough to please and I’m just glad the ‘females’ in my life are my wife, mum and cat.

Comment by Rob

Don’t be daft. I know exactly what you meant you silly bugger. And believe me, it IS as bad as you think. God I love my girls.

Comment by Marcus

Well hope you have a Merry Christmas whatever happens Marcus. (and Rob, and Charles, and John Stalker, and NP, and Lauren, and Mrs C, etc!)

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Despite being perpetually slandered, maligned and abused on this blog (and, I notice, not even recommended to desperate agencies anywhere) I shall rise above the glorious lunacy that is my first read of the day and wish all who sail in her the Christmas they seek.

Comment by John

You do cop a very hard time here don’t you John – of course you deserve it – but as it’s Christmas we shall put a stop to it, even though I love Mr M’s “John Stalker” name for you.

And I didn’t know you wanted to work for a ‘desperate agency’ – if you do, my wishes extend to your highly paid employment as well … but surely you couldn’t demean yourself to work with people who think all the World’s problems can be solved with a 30″ television commercial inspired by some talented person who got sod all for all their hard work and can only look on in wonder and frustration as some creative ‘genius’ gets oodles of cash, women [or men] and drugs from an industry that doesn’t care where it comes from as long as people talk about it.


Right, that’s my last comment for the day – I am officially on ‘hols’ so all the best, see you next year, have loads of fun and do everything you want … it’s Chrissy and indulgence is par for the course.

See ya …


[PS: Mr M, I’m talking to both George and Andy later so will try and find out their schedules for you. Speak soon]

Comment by Rob

It’s just friendly banter John. After all, we wouldn’t like you when you’re angry… 😉

Thanks Rob, my bro is currently trying to get an answer out of his lecturer!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

No rush – the boys are officially ‘out of action’ till at least Jan 4th when they maybe will have got over their drunken stupours – or in George’s case, come out from hiding from his girls 🙂

Comment by Robert

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