The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

PROOF: Haircuts Can Change Who You Are …
August 16, 2007, 6:50 pm
Filed under: Comment


Remember a few weeks ago I asked you what you thought of dear Emah’s new ‘bitchy’ haircut?

Well because you generally answered in the ‘positive’ – she decided to keep it and has been having admiring/scary looks ever since.

However it has just been brought to my attention that this new haircut has fundamentally changed her character and to demonstrate this, I need to explain what sort of person she was prior to the ‘change’ …

Basically Emah was lovely. She was a sweet, kind, caring girly-girl. Nothing was too much trouble for her and she would greet you each morning with a lovely smile.

 Emah’s Desk: Before The ‘Cut’

Infact, the only time I ever saw Emah be less than the definition of wonderfulness was when she wore this …

… and even then she only did that because she liked the look of it – she didn’t know who AC/DC were!

Anyway, ever since the ‘haircut’ … she has become ‘different’.

Tough. Mean. Bossy. Loutish.

She answers back … takes no shit … growls and grimaces.

And if proof were necessary that this once sweet, lovely, kind, Muslim girl has become a tough, mean, hard bitch … the Singapore Straits newspaper has just used her as the model for an article on the new Premiership season!


[Emah and her equally ‘bitchy’ identical twin sister. Actual size!]


And if that wasn’t bad enough, she’s now spending all her time coming into my office and aggressively telling me what she thinks will be the key issues and incidents in the new season – and if I dare disagree – she headbuts me then kicks me in the balls. [She needs a ladder for this last bit as she’s not very tall]

Because of all this, I am begging someone … anyone … to come to our office and give her back the old ‘mother-of-2-kids-and-frumpiness’ haircut because we are genuinely concerned what she might do to us if she stays this way.. 

For fucks sake … help us … help us now!  


Love you really Emah. Or should I call you Sir?

28 Comments so far
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Just get her to try to explain the offside rule and thereby debunk all her alleged authority on the subject.

Comment by John Dodds

Excellent strategy Mr Dodds. And why don’t you write to me instead of Andy ‘gloating’ Boucher!

Comment by Rob

Why would you want to get rid of a passionate opinionated person from your office?

We also need more girls understanding football. If by any chance you don’t understand the offside rule Emah, let me know and I’ll explain it for you.

If she was a Forest fan you wouldnt complain Rob!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

jealous rob?

nottingham forest football club is an oxymoron on fucking loads of counts.

Comment by andy@cynic

Divide and conquer mate!

Comment by John Dodds

And you’re renowned for not answering emails.

Comment by John Dodds

Dodds is the elephant man … not in looks [well, not unless it was a particulary late night] but in memory.

OK … so I was slack in responding to a few people’s emails … but at least I apologised and I did get back to them eventually.

OK … so it was with an email that said sorry for not answering their email rather than answering the question they had originally posed in their email but isn’t it the thought that counts?

[And I wrote ’email’ that many times on purpose]

Comment by Rob

tough, mean, bossy, loutish, wearing an acdc shirt. you’ve pretty much described me most of the time (although sometimes i change my shirt). keep up the good work emah!

Comment by lauren

I know my football Robert!! And most definately know how to spot an offside!

But if you would like me to demonstrate… Let’s just use your hair-less crown as the ball???

Comment by Emah

Never underestimate a bitch gentlemen.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

I like her style.
Im surprised Andy has tried to marry her with comments like that.

The funny thing for me, is she sounds just like Kai Lai when she jokingly snaps at you…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Oh Emah, you should realise that the position of the ball is largely irrelevant to the offside rule. Somebody is offside before they get the ball – indeed regardless of whether they actually ever get the ball. Looks like a guaranteed three points for the boys.

Comment by John Dodds

Not regardless John.
They could not be classed as interfering with play, and therefore only become offside if they then possess the ball.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

That was my point Mortimer and you’re looking at a spell in the reserves if you don’t remember that we need to play as a team to thwart the threat of the inimitable Emah!

Comment by John Dodds

No it wasnt! You said it doesnt matter if they get the ball…but it does if they werent originally interfering with play!

But I like her attitude. Im staying factual neutral in this one.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Thanks guys … I’ve now got her fucking banging on about the off-side rule.


Comment by Rob

I would hazard she picks up a lot more from her bosses and colleagues than random blog posters! 😀

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Hmmmmmmn …

Comment by Rob

i think the last ammendment of the offside rule was that a person is not offside unless he is in play which means he has to make an attempt for the ball..

**brownie points for the girls… again**

Comment by Emah


Can you see Dodds/Mortimer … can you see what you have created????

[Hey Emah … talking of Brownie’s, be a love and make the boys a nice fresh batch of them 🙂 ]

Comment by Rob

“Excellent strategy Mr Dodds”.

Comment by Rob 08.16.07 @ 7:20 pm

Comment by John Dodds

Can’t a guy make a mistake or is that only the perogative of women?

Comment by Rob

I still dont get why you arent being nice to her!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I am being nice to Emah … are you kidding???? She’s treated like a fucking goddess and I’m just trying to act hard infront of you lot.

Damn, did that come out in print???

Comment by Rob

Act hard eh?
You been reading those Viagra ads again?

Emah’s snappy wit reminds me of Kai Lai, so im edging towards backing her corner!

Comment by Rob Mortimer


Comment by Rob

Time for that substitution!

Comment by John Dodds

You can pull Mr Mortimer off if you like John.

Ahem. [Back to the Viagra ad!]

Comment by Rob

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