The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

What To Do On A Plane If The Person Next To You Is Annoying …

As you know, I spend quite alot of my life on planes – and with that comes the issue of ‘annoying passengers’.

In my time, I’ve experienced all sorts of freaks … people fainting on me, people stealing my food, people attacking me [she was drunk and thought I’d ‘stolen’ her husband], people vomiting, people having heart-attacks, people making out, people who never shut up, people who never say a word … you name it, I’ve had one of the bastards next to me.

Well I have discovered a sure-fire way to ensure I am never bothered by this ‘sort’ again and I thought I’d let you in on it because nobody deserves to be on a plane next to one of these freaks.

1 Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.

2 Remove your laptop.

3 Turn it on. 

4 Make sure the guy who won’t leave you alone can see the screen.

5 Open this email.

6 Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.

7 Then hit click here

Trust me, they won’t be bothering you again … though the US Government might be wanting a quiet ‘word’.

I’m off to HK now – if you don’t hear from me, you’ll know its because I’m currently being detained for ‘questioning’.  Don’t laugh – it happened on my first visit to Shanghai where I was held by Airport Police under the guise of being a spy.  

No, I am not joking … it all started when I saw a man who was the worst dressed person I’d ever seen in my life.

Seriously, he made Freddie Mercury look demure … so I had to take a photo of him to show the guys. Problem was, within 2 seconds of the ‘click’ going off on my phone, I was picked up by some burly guards, taken to a room and interrogated till they believed I was just an immature twat, not some international man of mystery.

Obviously it didn’t take them long to reach that conclusion – but still far longer than you’d think given not many British Spies wear a fucking t-shirt that say’s “Fat Kids Shouldn’t Play On See-Saws” – I mean, it’s not exactly blending into the background is it eh?

OK … I apologise today’s posts are especially shit, but I’m in a bad mood and can’t be bothered to write anything abit more ‘normal’.

Lets hope tomorrow I get out of the bed on the right side eh?! 
 

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