The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

What To Do On A Plane If The Person Next To You Is Annoying …
August 13, 2007, 2:36 pm
Filed under: Comment

On the plane

As you know, I spend quite alot of my life on planes – and with that comes the issue of ‘annoying passengers’.

In my time, I’ve experienced all sorts of freaks … people fainting on me, people stealing my food, people attacking me [she was drunk and thought I’d ‘stolen’ her husband], people vomiting, people having heart-attacks, people making out, people who never shut up, people who never say a word … you name it, I’ve had one of the bastards next to me.

Well I have discovered a sure-fire way to ensure I am never bothered by this ‘sort’ again and I thought I’d let you in on it because nobody deserves to be on a plane next to one of these freaks.

1 Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.

2 Remove your laptop.

3 Turn it on. 

4 Make sure the guy who won’t leave you alone can see the screen.

5 Open this email.

6 Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.

7 Then hit click here

Trust me, they won’t be bothering you again … though the US Government might be wanting a quiet ‘word’.

I’m off to HK now – if you don’t hear from me, you’ll know its because I’m currently being detained for ‘questioning’.  Don’t laugh – it happened on my first visit to Shanghai where I was held by Airport Police under the guise of being a spy.  

No, I am not joking … it all started when I saw a man who was the worst dressed person I’d ever seen in my life.

Seriously, he made Freddie Mercury look demure … so I had to take a photo of him to show the guys. Problem was, within 2 seconds of the ‘click’ going off on my phone, I was picked up by some burly guards, taken to a room and interrogated till they believed I was just an immature twat, not some international man of mystery.

Obviously it didn’t take them long to reach that conclusion – but still far longer than you’d think given not many British Spies wear a fucking t-shirt that say’s “Fat Kids Shouldn’t Play On See-Saws” – I mean, it’s not exactly blending into the background is it eh?

OK … I apologise today’s posts are especially shit, but I’m in a bad mood and can’t be bothered to write anything abit more ‘normal’.

Lets hope tomorrow I get out of the bed on the right side eh?! 

9 Comments so far
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Tut tut.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Ha Ha Great link that one. Some Indonesian guy couldn’t keep his eyes of my powerpoint on a flight to Jakarta and it started to irritate me so I typed in huge letters on the screen “FUCK OFF” and then looked at him.

It still took him a minute to realise it was directed him but when the penny dropped he never looked at my screen or me again.

Comment by Charles Frith

Your pic reminded me that I came across this yesterday. Makes me think we’re missing a few tricks on flight design now.

Comment by Charles Frith

Charles …. you are my fucking hero!

Comment by Rob

Pure evil, pure genius… who am I to separate the two?

Comment by Age

Haha. Genius.

I like that flash file, but I hate the idea that just because it has arabic script people think it could be a terrorist. I find that assumption so unbelievably offensive.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I know – it’s so wrong isn’t it. Hense I said I’d be stopped by the myopic, prejudicial cocks that are American Immigration.

Comment by Rob

Well yeah, why is it that some people are just so completely short sighted?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Myopic prejudicial cocks? LOL…

sounds like mine in all fairness 🙂

Comment by Charles Frith

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