The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

According To My Blog Stats …
July 23, 2007, 6:15 pm
Filed under: Comment

57 Mad Hatter's Tea Pot

… these are some of the phrases people have typed in search engines to find this blog …

How To Get Boobless On A Calculator

Jesus Is Coming, Pretend You’re Busy

High Karate Aftershave

Ami Work Nasal

I don’t know whether to be frightened or honoured – but given most of them were probably Andy, I guess I’ll just go with bemused!

Mind you, as I am attracting people who NEED HELP writing ‘boobless’ on a calculator [not to mention the fact they think I am the best person to go to for help] – then maybe I should stop writing this blog, call the Police and hide in a very dark, quiet corner for the next few years, ha!

[For the individuals whose relationship with women is limited to those who have staples going through their body – probably the same guys who wear High Karate aftershave – simply type 5 5 3 7 8 0 0 8 into a calculator, turn it upside-down and voila – immediate childish titillation and humour. Hope you have hours of one armed fun!]

26 Comments so far
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“For the individuals whose relationship with women is limited to those who have staples going through their body – probably the same guys who wear High Karate aftershave.”

People are wondering why I’m laughing out loud. 😀

Good work.

Oh, you didn’t tell them how to spell Shell Oil…surely just as important?

Comment by Will

I have to step in & say the search for “boobless” is more likely to have come from Billy’s brain than Andy’s. Or maybe I should say that it better have come from him. Much love to all.

Comment by Mary Boucher

thats my girl, sticking up for her man.
now dont bother me at the “vitual” office again woman.

Comment by andy@cynic

Thanks for that info, knew you were the right man!
I’m off for a lie down.

Comment by Stewart

thats a joke, no need to hit me.

Comment by andy@cynic

Whats a vitual office Andy?


Comment by Rob Mortimer


I get people on my blog who have searched for “cynic advertising agency”!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

you mean you dont fucking know that a vitual office is the next generation of virtual? call yourself clever? pah. and i am glad you get some of the traffic for cynic, most of the emails i now get are from fuckers who expect a job because they once checked out robs blog on a rainy thursday.

Comment by andy@cynic

Ive heard of a Shitual office, where you redirect all your cold calls…

See, if you had a blog; you could find people who suit your angry yet witty style of working.

Actually. You should get my bro over to NY during his uni break, he just won the best student of the year award in his ad/branding department; and he co-won Robs apsotw thing.

And best of all for you, he is sarcastic and a creative…not a planner.

(Thats £20 please Dave) 😉

Comment by Rob Mortimer

does he make tea, walk dogs and not complain when shouted at?
does he hate yanks, like eating and want to worship me?
if he would answer yes to all of these, get him to send me a cheque for 10 grand and then ill consider it. and how many fucking times do i have to tell you i have a fucking blog, i just choose not to write it so rob feels special.

Comment by andy@cynic

Same difference!! Thats quite sweet though…especially for you 😉

Tea yes. Dogs…not sure. Complain…possibly, but with sarcastic wit. Hate (the ones that are stupid) yanks, i believe so. Like eating, yup. Worship you… well, possibly!

I’ll get him to put the cheque in the post.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I get people who’ve looked for pictures of fucking Herbie. Or Smashing Pumpkins lyrics, which is infinitely preferable.

Comment by Will

send your bro over then and if hes lucky, well even feed him the odd yankee dog, which is about the only thing truly fucking great in this country, that and the women.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’ll shove him on the next cargo flight to NY 😉
The women love British guys I hear, no wonder you are still there!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

its my fucking charm, good looks and heaving wallet that got me my wife, my accents had fuck all to do with it.

Comment by andy@cynic

I am fucking innocent, but only because I haven’t gone through all the “art films” I was given when I was in hospital. Personally I think it was our financial director Ian or Marcus, the famous calculator fetishist.

Comment by Billy Whizz

you haven’t finished the skin flicks? you fucking ungrateful bastard. thats a big motherfucking black mark against your name in your next review.

Comment by andy@cynic

Women cant resist that good looks and kerching combo…

Calculator fetishist skin flicks? Thats a scary thought.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

its all about how you push the buttons

Comment by andy@cynic

Haha. Very true.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

hey rob, you think you get weirdos to your blog (aside from us, of course).. check out the list of keywords that direct poor suckers to my blog:

Comment by lauren

But we know you’d attract weird and strange because afterall, you’re a weirdo aren’t you? You can’t deny it as some crappy London company [basically] told you as much.

I … on the other hand … am a pillar of society [ahem!] that shouldn’t be associated with such weirdness, even though my colleagues walk on the wrong side of normal, ha!

Comment by Rob

you’re right, as usual, rob. i think i also attract a whole bunch of weirdos because, well, the work ‘fuck’ features a lot in my posts and rates highly in certain types of searches. ha!

Comment by lauren

Yes … the word ‘fuck’ probably got you a whole host of raincoat-wearing-Norweigian-death-metal-listening pervs … just like the cynic site attracts more conspiracy theorists than the Whitehouse blog, ha!

Now go to sleep woman … it’s late!!! [Though it’s sadly worktime for me, boo hoo!]

Comment by Rob

i knew you would tell me to go to sleep! you’re worse than my mother! i’m downloading bad american crime tv, which is taking its sweet time.

Comment by lauren

tell me to go sleep rob, go on, I fucking dare you.

and lauren, when i do, youll be in my dreams you lucky, lucky lady

Comment by andy@cynic

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