The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I’m All Take, Take, Take …
July 5, 2007, 7:04 am
Filed under: Comment

männlich - weiblich / male - female

I’m asking for more help again and this time it’s from any ladies who read this blog …

Could you tell me what physical and emotional attributes you find desirable in a man? [a man you could feasibly see yourself snogging/shagging/marrying!]

Don’t worry, this is not so Andy can attract women [he’s actually very happy with his wife, though whether she feels the same is up for debate, ha] … it’s work related and in a category that has ignored your opinion for far too long!

Any help you can give would be great … but if you only have time to get involved in one, please focus on human_2

Thanks again and yes, I am a total user, ha!

36 Comments so far
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hang on, are we snogging, shagging or marrying the guy?
‘cos if i’m just snogging him, i don’t give a fuck about most of his emotional qualities. but if i’m marrying him, well, you know, something more than a cardboard cut-out of a man is preferable.

Comment by lauren

where the fuck were you when i was young and single?

Comment by andy@cynic

in nappies.

Comment by lauren

so whats your point?

Comment by andy@cynic

Andy … or should I say Mr Glitter … behave!

Comment by Rob

i meant lauren would want me, not that id want her, im no peado.

Comment by andy@cynic

well, i think i have… shall we say, unconventional tastes, but i do like my men tall and lean. more likely to be punk rocker or math geek than school jock.

emotionally, i would love to have someone who possesses sensitivity to the world around him (not just toward people he loves, but toward things that are happening in the world – i guess i mean he must care strongly about SOMETHING), and also kindness and empathy. a trusting, open soul would be great. but not TOO ’emo’ – no insecurities, please, not sexy at ALL.

Comment by theletterzee

Unconventional taste? Is that like waiting till Will works out at the Gym?

Comment by Charles Frith

Charles wins best comment on this blog EVER.

Comment by Marcus

if that was the best comment ever, i’m embarrassed to say that the joke was lost on me. or maybe it’s a private joke and it wasn’t meant to be understood by me anyway 🙂 i must guess this Will doesn’t work out at the gym often then?

Comment by z

p/s theletterzee = z, same person 🙂

Comment by z

Good man Charles.
And will some female out there please say they find bald men hot. I’m feeling low at the moment.

Comment by NP

Similarly. I the whole tall and lean, punk rocker/math geek, sensitivity/caring thing was starting to sound like me…but still…damn dome.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Charles – Don’t you want me baby?

I knew lying in this morning would lead to mischief.

Comment by Will

Bald men are dead sexy.

[Does that make you feel better NP?]

Comment by Roberta

For full effect, imagine ‘Roberta’ saying that in pure Austin Powers Fat Bastard tones.

‘Baald meen are dead sexa’


Comment by Will

I agree with Lauren, there are different things I look for depending on the tenure I’m hoping to have with said man. But in general:

Physical – manly things like hair on the body or relatively solid thighs plus softer things like kissable lips or an affectionate way

Emotional – humour, intelligent, witty, can communicate, doesn’t bottle shit up and then lose it, lays things on the table, can calm women down when they’re being irrational

Comment by Angus

PS. Remember, I’m a girl.

Comment by Angus

Thank you Angus for clarifying that … hahaha!

I’d like to say 2 things about this whole experiement I’ve found really interesting

[taking into account I’ve been doing other research with Cosmopolitan Magazine, street research, internet studies, groups and even 5 lovely ladies who happen to be professional strippers!]

1/ Women are very generalistic interms of the emotional qualities they look for in a man but VERY SPECIFIC in the physical.

I find this particulary interesting given women have always claimed they are about personality before looks, hahaha.

2/ In a previous agency we undertook this experiement where we hired a stunning French male model and a comedian [who sadly looked very much like me] to go out to bars in Miami and see who could get the most women’s numbers.

The model won about 1000:1 …

Comment by Rob

I am atypical then as I am very untrusting of someone who looks like a model and adore funny men.

Comment by Angus

Lauren is dead right, women almost always categorize men as “good to snog/shag” or “good to marry” and the men in the two baskets have fundamentally different attributes.
Of course the attributes are not mutually exclusive, for instance the men in the “marry” basket need to have some of the basic attributes like intelligence and sexiness etc

But the one line description of the guy in the “Snog/Shag” basket would be- A guy who makes a woman feel sexy and lusted after; and for the guy in the “Marry” basket would be – a guy who makes a woman feel secure and loved. So added attributes like fidelity, honestly, stability and sensitivity etc pile on…. it’s a clear case of double standards.

But hey! it’s exactly like this for men too…men also have a different set of criteria when it comes to choosing a “potential long term partner”

Comment by Veena

For me, it’s all about how a man smells. And I don’t mean aftershave. I mean that there’s basically some (for happily married me, read one) who smell right and then there’s all the other smells. Even before I was seduced by the heavenly fragrance emanating from my husband’s neck, I can confirm that most men smelled totally wrong and there is NOTHING that can correct this because it’s about hormone compatibility and not about a rational approach to physical or emotional attributes. (That said, I’m delighted to report that the one who smelled right to me turned out to be a great chap in all ways).

Comment by Emily

PS- If we’re talking about specifics, the one attribute that all women find a BIG turn off is the habit of carrying on about some random “something else” ex-girlfriend …i mean, hello!what are WE supposed to be doing together exactly ?
The “marry” basket guy definitely and the “snog/shag” basket guy preferably (at least when he’s with you) has to see only YOU as THE woman in his life.
No , not pretend! he actually has to believe it…

Comment by Veena

Emily … you are a smelloholic as you described a similar situation when I asked what ‘love’ smelt like a few months ago.

I didn’t mean this to fall into a Man vs Woman thing [sorry] … but one thing I’d love to get clarified/denied is whether single women today, looking for a relationship are faced with the dilemna of either finding a man who is well dressed but not very masculine or masculine but not very well dressed.

[By masculine I mean more practical, genuine, honest etc]

Is this true … though I haven’t exactly described the alternatives as I wanted to – but it’s late so you should just let me off, hahaha!

Comment by Robert

Masculine means being practical?


Comment by Will

hi again! andy dear, don’t pout – i know you’re not a paedophile and i was just being tired and nasty (at 2am).

to be serious, i am unashamedly concerned (but not altogether rigid) about looks when i’m ‘looking’ for a partner, maybe because i’m a visual person and use visual codes as a way of figuring out if someone is going to be on a similar wavelength. and in my experience, a bloke who doesn’t give a shit about his appearance (which isn’t the same as being damned ugly), is not going to give a shit about other things like motivation, passion and expression – all of which are important to me.
i’m very specific when it comes to external stuff because it’s tangible and easier to be succinct. i can easily say, tattoos, cool sneakers, alterno-dressed and no stupid facial hair because they’re easily articulated.

i also subscribe to the rob gordon mode of finding a partner: “books, films, records, these things matter” (high fidelity). if he can’t tell me his favourite film, book, record or something, i don’t wanna know because these indicate that he doesn’t know who he is and how he feels about things, which matters.

being specific emotionally is not so easy because emotional behaviour isn’t always so specific. i like someone who’s emotionally mature, which i guess might mean that he can have a conversation about the first time he fell in love without having to drag it around like a dead cat, can actually feel a range of feelings and can be generous whilst still keeping something for himself (not so succinct, is it).

Comment by lauren

oh, and i can categorically confirm that english men are way better dressed than their australian counterparts!

Comment by lauren

(She saw Charles at Interesting… he would have been considered overdressed at a Pimps Fancy Dress Party)

Comment by Rob Mortimer

You know I want you Will. Firm clasping throttling motion 😉

Comment by Charles Frith

Mr Mortimer, that description of Charles dress code is the funniest thing ever. All I can imagine now is a combination Huggy [from Starsky & Hutch] and Liberace.

[Charles, that is not anything personal, it’s all Will and Mortimer’s fault!]

Comment by Rob

I know I shouldn’t do this, but oh well.. here’s one from the Flickr Archives:

Comment by Will

You know you’re dead don’t you Will!

Be quick with him Charles … he doesn’t deserve too much torture.

Comment by Rob

i don’t think i can speak for all women out there, but i guess there’s sort of like a screening system involved when it comes to assessing men – firstly, there MUST be physical attraction. and then, going closer, specific physical traits that you prefer (as Angus described) must be present (eg. solid thighs, nice smile, height, short hair, long fingers etc.). If the guy ‘passes’ that stage, then you continue to assess his emotional characteristics.

At least, that’s the way I do it. So yes Rob I don’t think there’s truth to the statement that personality should come before looks. We are all visual creatures!

There are people I know who hook up/get in a r/s with men they aren’t physically attracted to and claim it is personality… when actually they are just insecure about a man being goodlooking/more goodlooking than themselves.

Comment by z

Given my business partner has been married to 3 women all rated much higher than his physical attraction should allow, I personally believe “personality” has a bigger factor to play in a womans attraction towards a man than it does the other way around. But then he is a millionaire, so maybe that opens up a completely new debate. Sorry Robert.

Comment by George

That photo doesn’t capture the half of it!

Comment by John Dodds

I was oozing Mo Fo charm that day. Meeja all over me darlings xx

Comment by Charles Frith

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