The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Self Esteem Issues = A Licence To Print Money!
May 23, 2007, 7:15 am
Filed under: Comment

Well Hellooooo Wilbur What a stallion! 

I was sitting with Fred and Hari and discussing what a brilliant con, books like ‘SuperBrands’ and ‘Who’s Who’ are.

You see the the brands/people who appear in those pages have actually PAID for the privilege. Sure, they were invited to ‘appear’ by the publisher … but the reality is, if you have the cash, you can create the illusion of even greater success and/or importance.Now because I fancy some easy cash, I am going to take this idea but add a little twist.

You see instead of only letting people appear after being invited, I am going to open my ‘collective’ to all and sundry – as long as you have the cash, you can have the fame.

So if anyone out there wants to give me an annual fee of US$1000, they too can appear alongside a whole host of other ego maniacs and/or bland individuals who crave abit of importance despite doing nothing of real value or attention … in the ‘Who’s Who Of Big Cocks & Hot Bodies’. 

Remember, $1000 is a hell of a lot cheaper than a Porsche or Liposuction!

After Setting feminism back 30 years.

PS: I am so, so sorry for this post Mum!


55 Comments

I can hear the people doing the advertising planning assignment run back to Russell begging to be let back in. Scary but weirdly wonderful.

Comment by Jasper

Hello Jasper … how the hell are you? Wanna sign up? For the first ‘customer’, I’ll give you a special rate – just US$999, whatcha say???

Comment by Rob

No comment.

Comment by Marcus

The wife wants to know if she can pay in installments.

Comment by Jasper

What the fuck is going on?

Comment by Billy Whizz

When you say “sitting” with Fred and Hari, do you mean “smoking crack”.

Hehehe

Comment by Age

It’s just like a big Carry On film.. I’m just trying to find out who is who..

Nice one for the misappropriation of the sign though.

Comment by Will

No Age … we were not smoking crack … we were in the sort of high-level, super-serious, astoundingly-clever conversation that planning folk have all around the World. The sort of discussion that the common person just wouldn’t understand because we’re so highly intelligent and informed.

Or it could have been because we were bored.

Comment by Rob

bored, or putting off doing something.

Comment by Marcus

What, planners around the world don’t sit around making pie charts all day?

Shit, perhaps I should rethink my career decision. It’s back to the News of The World for me.

Comment by Will

Yes Marcus … day 5 of ‘Rob’s Procrastination’.

I am going to be seriously in trouble in the next few days!

Comment by Rob

You worry me!

If you are bored, why not ooh do some revenge…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Morning, gentlemen. And ladies, sorry. I think that now I can say that I’ll have an appointment at Wieden+Kennedy London in July. Really happy about this and I am looking forward to meet them. Just want to send a big than you, to everyone who wrote nice and supporting stuff or rantings or who helped. Thank you Marcus, Rob, Rob, Charles, Will, Doug, Lauren, Age, Dan, Paul and Dead Artist. Thank you. If I forgot anyone, please feel free to kick my lazy ass.

Comment by Seb

Right … I am going on record here … I WILL TELL PEOPLE WITHIN 5 WORKING DAYS ABOUT THE MOMENT OF REVENGE I DID ON AN EX-CLIENT THANKS TO ROB MORTIMER SCANNING AND SENDING ME AN ARTICLE FROM A NEWSPAPER.

I am so shit … and so sorry.

Comment by Rob

LEGEND!

Good work mate. You diamond. Knock ’em dead.

We’ll have to get in a pint Julytime..

Comment by Will

Sweet.

Revenge is always good.

Comment by Will

I am very, very happy for you Seb – you totally deserve it – but for God’s sake thank Andy because he was actually quite passionate about helping you and with his leg in plaster, a kick up the arse from him would be rather painful indeed. 🙂

Don’t worry – he’s away for the week with absolutely NO internet access. HURRAH! 🙂

Comment by Rob

Seb, you cheeky scrote. Adding me on Facebook eh?

Didn’t realise that was your bag.

Consider yourself added.

Comment by Will

Well done Seb.
If you’ve never been there before don’t worry, they are all really nice. Hope you get something, you deserve it!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Seb, they will eat you. Be very afraid.

Comment by Marcus

😉

Comment by Marcus

Oh, Rob, you are so write. I went through the comments on the blog and Andy was not there. Because he was in your email. Vielen, vielen Dank, Andy! Thanks a lot. You rock. Even without internet access. Ha.

And Marcus, you bloody…yeah, whatever…if they eat me that means that I actually will stay there. Only for the time of digestion, but I am fine with that. By the way I still don’t know when I will be in Munich for that project. Bloody account people.

Will, I don’t understand the writing on my wall. But I will definitely will drink a some pints with you in July.

Comment by Seb

Watch out Seb. Will can’t handle his beer.

Comment by Marcus

Ah, I was trying to insinuate any random Rob C discussions should be kept to this blog. Never mind.

Update your status to celebrate your victory..

Comment by Will

Heh. Dont be sorry Rob… just dont forget!!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

well done seb! while you’re in london, get in contact with us london kids too.

rob, funny you should post something along these lines. when i was drifting off to sleep the other night, i came up with a cheeky campaign response to the whole 4×4 thing based on a similar idea. heh.*

*actually maybe i just need my own blog about strange shit i do and say when i’m half-asleep.. ha!

Comment by lauren

You try getting through a day with only a sausage roll, Marcus. 😉

Don’t worry, my competitive drinking skills will be peaking about then – my birthday, then my house party.. then it’s July.. bring it on.

Comment by Will

Will, Seb is GERMAN. You know, GERMAN. You know, he comes from the place with all the beer.

Seb, go easy on Will; he’s not a Schalke fan.

Comment by Marcus

German. Right. You mean that place you live in? 😉

Oh, I’m sure he’s been raised right and can outdrink Bob Geldof and Shane McGowan put together.

Don’t worry, I wasn’t advocating a session; just a few shandies.

Comment by Will

I’m only 42% German, and can still drink Andy under the table.

Comment by Marcus

Andy doesn’t ‘do’ blogging except on mine – but that’s only because he gets our IT guy to do it for him, ha! Saying that, I know he’ll be very happy to hear your news Seb, so go shine please.

Lauren … how are you? I am worried. Are you OK my lovely? Any news on the job? And do a blog on the weird – if only so I can steal it all and pretend its mine. See, I am in advertising really!

Comment by Rob

lol!! yes, proof that you are in advertising indeed! ha!
i’m ok. it’s a beautiful day here and i’m feeling quite delirious about it really 🙂
no news on the job front yet, but i’m playing it cool for a couple of days, getting my shit together. besides, i’ll just be a temporary receptionist/secretary/general dogsbody, nothing to really jump up and down about, believe me.

Comment by lauren

Dont forget to be in Sheffield on the 7th Lauren!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Can I just say I would LOVE to be a receptionist – after being an agony aunt – that is my dream job.

And no, I am not being sarcastic … I mean it … just wish the pay was abit better.

[And no Anna, that doens’t mean you can get a hefty pay rise – see Billy’s attempt a few weeks ago, ha!]

Comment by Rob

Whatever you are pontificating about, get on with it because I’m afraid your lack of “action” will end up impacting us either in terms of money, time or our patience. 🙂
Plus if you are working then you won’t have the time to post these “campbell gems” so its a win win as far as I can tell.

(Though I do like the idea in a haunting kind of way)

Comment by George

please don’t take this the wrong way (although i’m sure billy, et al will), but i could actually see you as a receptionist, rob. ha! although i think that every now and again, you would have to take a walk in a park and swear like a motherfucker 🙂 just to get it out of your system. i know i do… ha!

and believe me, the pay for being a receptionist here is way better than in aus, and shitloads better than the kids that pour beer here.

Comment by lauren

oh, and rob m – is that the date for the NPS? i need details, details! if i’m working, i don’t know if i can swing a thursday night, but i’ll see. however, i may be in leeds on sunday…

Comment by lauren

Receptionist Rob?

I’ll give Anna her cards, come in on Monday.

Thanks for the tip Lauren.

Comment by George

I’ll clean the toilets and mop the floors.

Comment by Marcus

Sheffield
Thursday June 7th
19-30ish

Do try as its the date most people can make!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Actually Marcus, you can go on reception and Rob can do the toilets and floors. Even better plan.

Rob, why aren’t you biting? Are you doing work?

Comment by George

Thank you George. I see that as a promotion. I hope to do you proud.

Comment by Marcus

COCKS! [snappy comeback eh!]

Comment by Rob

The spirit of professionalism is alive and well and inside of you, Rob.

Speak later and then you can tell me if you prefer pink or green for your marigolds. Employee happiness is everything to us at cynic.

Comment by George

If Campbell gets Marigolds I would like a headset. I’d fluff up my hair and sing Howard Jones songs all day [that’s added value you understand]

Comment by Marcus

Dont be laden down by the doom crew…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

“What is love anyway, does anybody love anybody anyway
What is love anyway, does anybody love anybody anyway”

Southampton boys in the house. etc.

Comment by Marcus

A surprisingly good album actually.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Hari has a headset and he’s not even a receptionist. I think he secretly believes he looks like a fighter pilot – but the reality is he looks more like a call centre queen, ha!

And not to name drop – because I know how much Marcus hates that [even though he name dropped he was interviewed by the BBC] but I played with Howard Jones[musically, not homosexually] and he was a really nice guy. For a vegetarian!

Comment by Rob

I didn’t name drop the BBC. I simply stated that you had to listen to the show otherwise I would come round and ‘ve a word – EastEnd thug style.

Comment by Marcus

Marcus Mitchell?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

No, EastEnd thug:

Comment by Marcus

This is what I like – surreal comment bollocks – if the Government could work out how to make this into a drug, I think we’d of created the biggest weapon of mass [conversation] destruction ever seen.

I’m going to go home now – and tomorrow I MUST DO SOME BLOODY WORK!!!

Comment by Rob

rob, if you don’t do some work, i will (somehow) make sure that jill only cooks you bland lentil soup and dry chickpea vegetarian patties for the next month…to remind you about how great howard jones was, for a vegetarian.

Comment by lauren

Bad luck Lauren – Jill is no longer a vege [after 12 years] and is now committed to only eating REAL FOOD [as long as it is on our ‘diet’]not some lentil pattie shite. YAY!

Comment by Rob




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