The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

You’re Not The Only One Geldof, I Don’t Like Mondays Either.
May 7, 2007, 7:30 am
Filed under: Comment

Hello folks … I’m back from my mini-holiday!

Yes, I had a fantastic time [how can you not when you are free from work and responsibility] and yes, I fulfilled everything I said I would and yes, I did go and see the wonderful Lauren’s exhibition [which I genuinely loved – really loved it] but now I am back and boy don’t I know it.

First up … the anal aspects of the Singaporean Government.

The photo above is from the official Road Transport Departments website detailing specifically how their road signs MUST look. [We found it as we’re doing something for a client with them]

Anyway, the buggers are so anal that the smiley face has exact measurement dimensions – detailing such things as the distance of the eyes from the edge of the ‘face’ and – even more mental – how wide the ‘smile’ must be.

Talk about jobsworths and red tape.

It might not be so bad if the buggers hadn’t fucked up the grammar of the sign by saying ‘Thank You For YOU Co-operation’ – though they will probably just say it’s ‘Singlish’, a local dialect of English which basically is an excuse for using bad grammar, different meaning and sloppy spelling.

To be fair, many clients and their brand guideline books are just as pedantic as the Singaporean Road Transport Department  – so maybe I’m being a bit unfair. 

It’s just this sort of thing drives me mad … of course I appreciate the importance of consistency, but if you are so anal about every detail, you potentially can stop any element of vitality, enthusiasm and emotion coming out and embracing the consumer … which as far as I am concerned, is not a good thing.

Maybe it’s because too many companies and their underqualified/under-experienced brand managers don’t realise a brand is actually much, much, much more than just a template or a colour – but given that’s an issue I’ve banged on about a few times, I think I’ll just move on

OK … let me introduce you to the ‘if you have money, you can do whatever you want’ situation.

The piccie above is of a man smoking at a cafe in Singapore.

Now smoking in Asia is pretty widespread [especially in Indonesia, China and Japan] and while there are many designated ‘NO SMOKING’ areas, the reality is they are pathetically enforced.

I remember being in a hotel in Beijing and the man next to me was told that there were no more smoking rooms available.

He was just about to walk away when they said, “But don’t worry Sir … you can smoke in no smoking room instead”

Basically, if you have – or are believed to have – cash, rules can get bent.

This can be very useful if you are caught speeding or jaywalking … but it can also be very annoying when it means a smoker can puff away mere inches from me and my lunch. [I HATE smoking with a passion!]

Finally … and quite possibly the most scary … proof that Singapore is rather weird!

Over the last few years, Singapore has been relaxing its rules and regulations in a number of areas – one of the most being interms of sexuality and sensuality.

To be honest, it was abit mad banning any DVD that was rated 15+ when one of the biggest [but never acknowledged] tourist attractions in the place is Orchard Towers – better known as the ‘Four Floors Of Whores’. [Have a wild guess what it on the ‘menu’!]

Anyway … and I should credit Hari and Fred for showing me this … to great fanfare, a SEX MAGAZINE has recently been launched in this land of the clean and while eagerly checking it out [supposedly for intellectual purposes], the boys came across this photo …


WHAT THE …Why on earth is there a photo of some dirty, hairy bloke greased up and sat on a fucking toilet??? 

Is this sexual?  If it is, am I that prudish and square?  Are the women in Asia into the sort of thing that Andy used to have to pay ‘top dollar’ for*??? 

It’s like a road accident – I don’t want to look but at the same time, my eyes have a desire to be shocked, tortured and disgusted.

Please, if any lady reads this blog … and I am aware a few do … could you please tell me if this is HOT or WRONG. I need to know … I really, really need to know!

So there you have it, another post of absolutely pointlessness – but then what do you expect, eh?!

Saying all that, later this week I will be putting up the first assignment for the Advertising Planning School On The Web so hopefully you’ll find that abit more useful and interesting – and let me assure you, the brief won’t be to make ‘Mr Grease Man’ famous around the World.  Ta-ra …

* That is a joke. Now Andy – please put down the phone to your lawyer!

31 Comments so far
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and to think i was almost missing you. fucker. its not a case of not liking mondays, its more like not liking campbell. 🙂

btw, how was mr birds nest hair?

Comment by andy@cynic

Oh such wit Andy … you are the modern day Oscar Wilde aren’t you, ha!

If you want to know specifics, I suggest you get some 5 year old kid off the street to show you how to turn on your laptop and read the email I’ve just sent you!

Comment by Rob

I haven’t read your post yet, I just wanted to say it is good to have you back; the days have been much quieter without you. Now lets see if your break has recharged your anger/idealism gene.

Comment by Pete

Love it. You are back. Can’t wait to see the first assignment, I might even have a go myself.

Comment by Pete

Nice to have you back Mr C, it’s been a lonely place without you and I don’t just mean the lack of activity on your blog. Speak tonight/tomorrow.

Comment by George

About bloody time too. That picture is wrong. Just so wrong.


Comment by Marcus

I don’t think I need to be Sherlock Holmes to work out which ‘picture’ you are referring to.

Comment by Rob

Are you sure that photo is from a sex magazine? Seems more likely it’s from kebab store weekly. Definitely not sexy.

Comment by Sarah Peterson

Welcome back! Four floors of whores, smoking, toilet humour and smile guidelines. Ah yes. Good to have you back. Seriously though I have figured out excessive regulation. Same deal in Germany and starting to emerge in the UK as well.

As a economy matures, the civil services have huge rule enforcing departments for the basics. Once they are enforced the bureaucrats have to look around for ever decreasingly important rules to enforce – Otherwise they’re out of a job.

Next thing you know. The tape measure is out each time an ‘ablution log’ is dropped, to see if it’s regulation length and width. I don’t know why I used that example but it’s cheered me up no end and is now an officially good start to the day. Thank you for helping me self actualize this Monday 🙂

Comment by charlesfrith

I think you’re right Charles, the EU have already mandated banana length and straightness, so it can only be a short step before your yucky toilet suggestion becomes law.

Comment by Sarah Peterson

rob!! nice to have you back. glad australia was great and am pleased that you liked the show. and the (not-so) surreptitious photo is fine too 🙂
and the mr greaseman photo, i suspect, is not actually meant for the ladies, rob.

Comment by lauren

Welcome back Robert. I trust you had a wonderful time. Hope to see you soon. K

Comment by Katerina

Hello all … well it is nice to be back, on this blog at least … and it pleases me very much that almost immediately, I have got the odd surreal comment. Makes me feel all warm inside – abit like Jemma does to Charles, ha!

Comment by Rob

Oh and Lauren … that photo is from a MEN’s sex magazine … and as much as I know, a HETROSEXUAL MEN’s sex magazine. Go figure eh!

Do I take it that you find said ‘grease man’ sexy given you did not pass a negative judgement?

Jesus, the British air has affected your sanity hasn’t it! Ha

Comment by Rob

grease fetish. Disgusting.

Comment by Marcus

That’s it Marcus, make it sound like Lauren is involved in some weird food ingredient fetish!

Oh and to Sarah Peterson – welcome to the blog – not seen you here before and hope the comments that have followed your post won’t put you off coming back again. Wouldn’t blame you if it did – quite alot of people seem to ‘pop in’ then bugger off sharpish. Jade … where are you????

Comment by Rob

she’s probably oiling something.

Comment by Marcus

Ha ha, thanks Marcus, but if I oiled something over here it would probably fry at the moment.

Rob – I get ripped off and can’t see the pretty pictures. But judging from your description I think I can very safely say – that is so not hot. For once, I think I can be happy about strict censorship.

Comment by Jade

YAY Jade is back!

Trust me, be very, very, very grateful you can’t see the photos – they are very, very, very wrong indeed.

Imagine Ray Martin with a mullet, naked, sat on a toilet with a 5 o’clock shadow. Imagined it? Well it is worse than that!

Hope you are well and still fighting for passion in your company!

Comment by Rob

Hi Sarah. Welcome. I’m all for the EU if it counterbalances US hegemony through its dollar. Not because I dislike the US (I’m a great admirer in many respects) but because absolute power corrupts. Pop into Burma if you want to see what currency matters most around the world.

I’m guess I’m thinking about this because I listened to a podcast over the weekend about the trend for countries to break up. It’s well worth a listen if you have questions about the EU and it’s ambitions. This is actually a link to the videocast of the talk at Podtech earlier this year. Hope you like it.

Comment by charlesfrith

You know, I’ve never met Andy, but I my minds eye…

Comment by Marcus

Marcus. Thanks for the inspiration…

Grease is the word, is the word,that you heard. It’s got groove. It’s got meaning


Comment by charlesfrith

for the record, greased-up hairy men on toilets are not my idea of a hot night in. sorry to disappoint everyone. and rob, i bet you that half the readership are cover homosexuals!

and jade – sorry i didn’t touch base – dubai in 3 days was pure madness! maybe next time…

Comment by lauren

oops.. that would be covert, not cover. dammit.

Comment by lauren

Hey Rob – I didn’t go anywhere – you did. Thanks for that visual, just what I needed.

My work is going great. I resigned and couldn’t be happier. Feels very liberating (haven’t ever just resigned with no solid plans before). Plus, we are now roling out some good, passion inspiring stuff (I’m still here till June).

Lauren – don’t apologise – I know what it is like here. Last week I was at a different function every night & ended up barricading myself at home, by the pool for the weekend. It is a mad, mad place.

Comment by Jade

woo. welcome back. and I see you’ve changed the name of APSotW. or are you just confused because of mister muddy sex guy?

Comment by Seb

Rob – pictures of greasy naked men on toilets? You do spoil us in your time away.

Hope you had a good break – I’ll shoot you an email in a few mate.

Comment by Will

A big bloody ‘YAY’ to Jade for resigning – bloody proud of you even if that does come out rather patronisingly [which it isn’t meant to be]

Without doubt greater things will come your way because I genuinely believe passion and enthusiasm are the currency for success and by that token you [and pretty much everyone who rants on here] has it in droves.

Will, I got your email – will respond soon [ie: a day or so as I’m away again] but it all sounds bloody good so just be true to yourself and what will be will be. [Be careful of LOWES, see this post for details …

Right I am off to bed … should have been in it ages ago but stuff [read: Andy] stopped me. Ha!

Comment by Rob

tell someone who gives a shit you whinging fuck.

love you really and it is good to have you back even if i fucking hate admitting that.

Comment by andy@cynic

Can I use the photo of the bloke on the bog to sell laxative pills?
He looks like he’s gone through 12 hours of heaving, straining and pushing and still not dropped a single turtle into the pool.
Think the opposite of George when you guys were in India. 🙂

Comment by Billy Whizz

Welcome back!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

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