Filed under: Comment
Before you read any more of this post, please go here …
Done it?
Saw the challenge Marcus thrust down upon my feet?
Well here is a story that explains why I WON’T be doing it …
About 2 years ago, I was in JFK Airport in New York walking towards a plane that was finally going to take me home after spending weeks flying here, there and everywhere.
I was in quite a good mood … sure I was tired and my back hurt from one too many ‘hard hotel beds’, but apart from the fact that after this flight I was going to be in my own house … I had an advance copy of Starsailor’s new album on my iPod and was totally loving it.
That was until the chorus of the first song, ‘In The Crossfire’.
As one reviewer said, Starsailor are what Coldplay would be like if they had some balls … so as a lover of all things ‘Rawwwwwk’, I was well into this song.
Too ‘well into it’ as it happens.
As the chorus approached, despite being totally surrounded by hundreds of people making the slow, feet-shuffling walk to the terminal, I apparently did something stupid.
I say ‘apprentely’ as all this happened without my conscious knowledge or approval … however, within a nano second, I had closed my eyes, taken a huge, deep breath, opened my gob and, as if my life depended on it, screamed out the chorus infront of everyone around me!!!
What’s even worse than that is that I still hadn’t realised what I had done. Sure I knew I was singing along, but I thought I was doing it in my head and only realised something was wrong when 3 key events happened …
I opened my eyes and saw …
1. The whole World turned and looked at me in sheer shock before absolutely pissing themselves.
2. America’s gun happy security came running towards me with sodding guns at the ready.
3. Andy, my fat-bastard business partner, fell on the floor. How I hoped it was a heart attack but no, it was from the evil shit laughing too hard.
My mind was racing … WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON … and then it dawned on me.
O H. M Y. G O D.
To say I took control back of my mouth is a huge understatement … I literally covered my mouth with both hands and bit by lips, petrified another squeak may pop out.
Now I’d had quite a few embarrassing things happen in my life, but without doubt, this was one of the worst … made even more painful by the fact I had to endure an 18 hours flight with people on the plane either pointing at me, smirking at me or advising me not to listen to any music when everyone on the plane was asleep.
Bastards. I felt like wringing each and everyone’s neck … I mean, they’re perfect aren’t they … they’ve never done anything daft in their lives except wear those stupid airplane socks or laugh at all the wrong bits of the God-awful inflight movies.
So when you take all this into account, maybe … just maybe … you’ll understand why on this one, Marcus is on his own!
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oh, rob – that story is awesome and awful at the same time!! i must say i’m disappointed that we won’t get to see you slaughtering a fave tune like marcus has (and reclaiming the shame) but strangely enough, i completely understand.
Comment by lauren April 13, 2007 @ 9:19 amhow the fuck had i forgotten that immense bit of comedy? one of the funniest moments in my life with the added pleasure of it all being at your expense. i love you really.
Comment by andy@cynic April 13, 2007 @ 9:34 amyour a fucking coward. But I understand.
Comment by Chris Zodiac April 13, 2007 @ 11:54 amMorning (I know…it’s REALLY early)
and by the way Chris Zodiac is me….I’m up to something again.
Morning!
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 11:55 amMarcus, ontop of being Chris and Sacrum … you are slowly becoming Andy by using lower case and spelling ‘you’re’ as ‘your’.
GET HELP NOW … especially as you’re up so fucking early!!!
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 11:59 amdoes that mean I put some weight on now? You know. Like Andy?
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 12:08 pmWell Rob, I gave you a chance. It is now obviously up to me to take on “bohemian rhapsody”.
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 2:29 pmGenius story. Every music lovers fear!
Can we see Sacrum do one?
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 2:44 pmSacrum could sing something by “the carpenters”. I may even get Chris Zodiac in on the act. You going to do one Mortimer?
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 2:46 pmfuck you and everyone like you. im not fat, just big boned, like all real men are. come on campbell, do some of your beloved queen and maybe you can play your wanky guitar along with the song and show how everyone how good you once were.
Comment by andy@cynic April 13, 2007 @ 2:54 pmHaha! Not sure, my gut feeling is to chicken out… but I may change my mind.
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 2:54 pmfuck you too big boned boy. I was aiming high, aiming for Andy but if that means being such a sensitive bugger then I’d rather not.
Don’t be a chicken Mortimer. Come on, maybe something by zig zig sputnik?
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 3:00 pmyou are forgiven then marcus, and love between us remains.
Comment by andy@cynic April 13, 2007 @ 3:05 pmthank fuck for that.
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 3:05 pmGet a room you two …
Go on Mr M … give us some Bo Rhap and if I am feeling mental, maybe I’ll do some ‘Tie Your Mother Down’ or something. WHAT AM I DOING! Mental!
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 3:09 pmyour place or mine Andy?
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 3:11 pmThat’s fucking lame that is. There’s no way I’m accepting that feeble excuse. Even having the nerve to bring 5 star ‘hard hotel beds’ into that freakin’ sob story as if you’re Kung Fu wandering the earth, shunning mattresses, room service and living off the complimentary apple. No, this wont do and don’t say you can’t do global karaoke because you’ve got a bad back, because it wont wash.
I’m looking forward to this I am.
Comment by Charles Frith April 13, 2007 @ 4:40 pmYou’ve got some bloody nerve Charles. You’ve bottled out of this, saying your fucking dog eat the webcam!
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 4:46 pmHah. Sigue Sigue Sputnik, now that would be interesting…
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 4:49 pmcome on Mortimer…you KNOW you want to.
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 5:03 pmthis is the best fucking post ever. come on campbell, charles is talking in fighting language though he might call on his mum for protection. dog ate my webcam? dog ate my balls more like.
Comment by andy@cynic April 13, 2007 @ 6:14 pmI’ve met charles. He’s a nice bloke and I like him. BUT YOU CAN TAKE HIM DOWN CAMPELL.
Easy! Easy! Easy!
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 6:23 pmSod music, I sense a 70s style bout of wrestling…
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 6:31 pmEasy! Easy! Easy!
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 6:35 pm“In the left corner, the ruff of roughing up, the prince of putdowns, Chaaaaaaarles “The Dogg” Friiiiiiith!
In the right corner, the master of cynicism, the twit of wit, the walking airport alarm ringer… Robbbb “The Angry Bastard” Caaaaammmmpbelllllll!”
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 6:47 pm-mumble- good clean fight -mumble- above the waist…
*DING DING*
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 6:49 pmEasy! Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy!
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 6:57 pmdid you say something about LSD posts rob? i think somebody put something in the europeans’ drinks today…
Comment by lauren April 13, 2007 @ 7:00 pm“The two combatants appear to be waiting for each other to make the first move Jim”
‘YES! IVE Never seen ANYthing like it before Ted’
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 7:03 pmTime for a commercial break!
Seb in Hamburg has done a iPod Singing thing. Here it is:
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 7:12 pm
I bloody love this blog
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 7:15 pmLikewise. Its madness, but always great madness.
Where the hell are the fighters?
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 7:20 pmAfter much lobbying from Marcus, Andy [the bastard] and now Jill … I proudly announce my career will officially be over on Monday 16th April.
Why?
Well, because that’s the day that I – like I did with that tagging trend of a few months ago – present to the World an EVOLVED version of the iPOD Singing genre … something so bad and frightening that Apple may go bust and cynic most certainly will.
You have been warned …
[Why am I so easily pushed into these things]
Now, you have 24 hours to tell me which artist you want me to sing out of these options … [sorry, but song choice is mine!]
WHITESNAKE
THE SCORPIONS
DEF LEPPARD
BON JOVI
EUROPE
[I had thought of The Smiths, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it … and as a joke, I was going to offer Shakira – but I know you evil fuckers would have definitely chosen it!]
Goodbye career, lifestyle and cred … hello family shame, disownment and embarassment]
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 7:52 pmEasy! Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy!Easy! Easy! Easy!
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 7:55 pmThat’s so easy. The Scorpions. I’m sure Fred would approve.
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 7:55 pmWind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change. Wind of Change.
*ahem* clear?
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 7:56 pmEven if the Scorps win, it won’t be ‘Winds Of Fucking Change’ because I can’t whistle when I’m pissing myself laughing.
So that’s 2 for the Scorps … any other bids. Please.
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 7:58 pmNew band AND song option …
QUEEN and ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ [though I wish common sense did]
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 8:01 pmYes, please. The Scorpions.
Comment by Somebody who is not Marcus April 13, 2007 @ 8:01 pmoh god.
Comment by lauren April 13, 2007 @ 8:03 pmmrs campbell, if you’re still reading, i’m sure you’ve done a fantastic job up until now, but don’t take this one personally.
yeah, yeah, yeah lauren. But which band?
Comment by Marcus April 13, 2007 @ 8:03 pmyes! do queen. at least it’s a good song and i’m sure you’ll at least have a scrap of dignity after that..
Comment by lauren April 13, 2007 @ 8:04 pmWrong band Lauren. Wrong band.
Comment by Marcus April 13, 2007 @ 8:04 pmMum … it’s not drugs … it’s not a desperate cry for help … it’s not even a desire for friends … it’s just a rogue gene that you and Dad had nothing to do with .
2 Scorps / 1 Queen. Anymore?
Going to bed now – I hope I don’t wake up!
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 8:06 pmi’m sorry marcus. i like rob, and there is no way that i could possible commit him to such an act of slaughter with that other list of rubbish bands…
Comment by lauren April 13, 2007 @ 8:07 pmThe Scorpions are NOT rubbish. They are just misunderstood.
Comment by Marcus April 13, 2007 @ 8:09 pmyeah, paris hilton is misunderstood too..
Comment by lauren April 13, 2007 @ 8:11 pmEasy! Easy! Easy! Easy!
Comment by Marcus April 13, 2007 @ 8:14 pmwho gives a fuck what you sing, youre going to look a cock so just get on with it. word of warning, if we dont win ”you know what” because of your actions, please know your ass is going to be sued by every fucking one of us. sleep well. ax
Comment by andy@cynic April 13, 2007 @ 8:17 pmIt has to be Wind of change if only for the whistling bit…it will be so funny!
Cmmon Marcus, please put your foot down!
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 8:18 pmI don’t give a shit what he sings, as long as it’s the scorpions.
Comment by Marcus April 13, 2007 @ 8:21 pmRob, you honestly should do the Scorpions. They are really, really underestimated. Let’s forget about that “Wind of Change”-thing. Years ago I bought a double-vinyl-live LP. Rock you like a hurricane is brilliant. And Lauren, a group that made Spandex fashionable can’t be that wrong.
Comment by Seb April 13, 2007 @ 8:24 pmWind of whistling gets my vote. Come on boss, I’ll respect you in the morning. Possibly.
Comment by Billy Whizz April 13, 2007 @ 8:25 pmSCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS! SCORPIONS!
Comment by Seb April 13, 2007 @ 8:27 pmJust because they reinvented SPANDEX!
Rob, darling please do me a favour and sing a song from the SCORPIONS. Especially for me!!!
Comment by eva April 13, 2007 @ 8:39 pmreinvented spandex? puhlease!
Comment by lauren April 13, 2007 @ 8:40 pmrob knows that rock you like a hurricane crap. he used to do it when he played with that cock, terrance trent darby. i remember because i went to one of their concerts and it was the worst shit id ever heard and asked him what it was afterwards. please god, dont let that come back into my life
Comment by andy@cynic April 13, 2007 @ 8:42 pmEva honey, could you please stop calling Rob darling. Thank you.
Comment by Marcus April 13, 2007 @ 8:45 pmDarling or not: SCORPIOOOOOOOOOONS!
Comment by Seb April 13, 2007 @ 9:02 pmI had to check in because I am actually going through a ‘performance anxiety’ [or career anxiety] and reading all these comments has just made me feel a whole heap worse ESPECIALLY as I intend to ‘evolve’ the iPOD singing thing – which you’ll see on Monday.
Marcus, Andy and Jill … you are heroin to my dignity AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.
Eva darling, thanks for calling me darling and Lauren, thanks for the Queen vote, but it seems like it is not going to happen as I’ve had FORTY THREE text messages [thank you soon-to-be-fired cynic’ers] alll voting for the Scorps – a band that I guarentee was never even known my the majority of the bastards.
DEFINITELY going to bed now. Boo Hoo.
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 9:11 pmDear Mr Rob@Cynic.
A friend of mine, Chris Zodiac, told me that I should subscribe the petition for “Rob doing the Scorpions”. As I am from Hannover (they are as well) I would appreciate you doing thic act of British-German partnership.
In deep sympathy,
Comment by Former German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder April 13, 2007 @ 9:14 pmDein Gerhard Schröder
YAY! Scorpions it is then. And Rob honey, could you please stop calling Eva darling. Thank you.
Comment by Marcus April 13, 2007 @ 9:14 pmGo for it.
Comment by Klaus Meine April 13, 2007 @ 9:17 pmKlaus
I fucking hate the Scorpions.
Comment by Winston Churchill April 13, 2007 @ 9:17 pmHello ?
Hello ?
I’m going for it too. I’m going to squeeze out some Roy Castle. I may do some Chanter pipe and samba whistle accompaniment too.
Comment by TomLR April 13, 2007 @ 9:27 pmTom LR keeping it real.
Comment by Winston Churchill April 13, 2007 @ 9:32 pmI have just been practicing The Scorps …
Rock You Like A Hurricane … Big City Nights … Passion Rules The Game … The Zoo … even bloody Winds Of Change and I just can’t do it …
What about Livin’ On A Prayer, Poor Some Sugar On Me, Here We Go Again … even Bohemian Rhapsody? Please … I’m begging or are you going to be a bunch of mean bastards. [Do I really need to ask!]
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 9:49 pmno way. SCORPIONS. and if you don’t stop arguing we should have some penalty here, shouldn’t we, Marcus? maybe ROB should do 2 songs by the bloody SCORPIONS.
Comment by Seb April 13, 2007 @ 10:03 pmSeb given you did Blur – maybe YOU should do the Scorps, you are a German afterall!
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 10:09 pmAnd to Andy … I have been told what you are trying to do with Virgin and you will DIE if you make that happen!
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 10:10 pmDavid Hasselhoff…
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 13, 2007 @ 10:10 pm😉
Comment by andy@cynic April 13, 2007 @ 10:13 pmDon’t use those fucking smiley faces to hide behind!
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 10:19 pmAndy, whatever it is, please make it happen.
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 10:28 pmand Rob, I’ve just read your comment on my blog. Could not agree more.
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 10:42 pmRob, honestly I wanted to do it. But I don’t want to upstage you. And someone you know forbade it. It’s your turn, so do it. I will do some even worser than Scorpions later. And Andy: whatever it is, do it.
Comment by Seb April 13, 2007 @ 10:56 pmsince when has a campbell threat stopped me?
Comment by andy@cynic April 13, 2007 @ 11:00 pmYAY! And I’ve just done bohemian rhapsody.
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 11:06 pmpost it. NOW.
Comment by Seb April 13, 2007 @ 11:07 pmin that case, jesus shall rise again and cast us into a pit of hell for damning the song of the world. well done.
Comment by andy@cynic April 13, 2007 @ 11:08 pmAnd there I was thinking I could finally put this shit week behind me …
Comment by Rob April 13, 2007 @ 11:13 pmprocessing bohemian rhapsody right now. Rob, you’re gonna love it. Andy too. 😉
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 11:22 pmbohemian rhapsody now on my blog. We will all burn in hell. Great.
Comment by Marcus Brown April 13, 2007 @ 11:57 pmThere’s gonna be blood on the dancefloor. I’ve retrieved the webcam from the dog (it wasn’t pretty) and just given it a quick dry run with my mate Audrey, to see if the crocodile rock is gonna work some magic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfFOS3G5y9c
April 16. See ya there 🙂
Comment by Charles Frith April 14, 2007 @ 6:01 amThis is turning into the new drug that is sweeping the World – only it is more damaging and once you’ve tried it, damn less addictive.
Comment by Rob April 14, 2007 @ 8:24 amgood morning all! what a saturday morning feast i’ve stumbled upon!! and i don’t have time to watch it all today – dammit.. marcus – can you start a separate blog for all this isinging? i think it needs to have a home all of its own (apart from youtube)..
Comment by lauren April 14, 2007 @ 8:40 amAudrey is tops by the way Charles – if she read the BBC News, it’d be the most watched show in the UK.
Anyone who thinks seeing a mans arm torn off and being held between the teeth of an evil croc is ‘the best thing she’s ever seen’ is alright by me.
Maybe she can join in and sing ‘Crocodile Rock?’
Comment by Rob April 14, 2007 @ 8:57 amIsn’t she brilliant. Salt of the earth.
Comment by Charles Frith April 14, 2007 @ 11:18 amWell I’ve just scared all my neighbours by singing [?] a bloody Scorpions song IN A GERMAN ACCENT all bloody morning!
I am in shame …
Comment by Rob April 14, 2007 @ 12:44 pmIt has been done …
World Premier, Monday at 7:30am, Singapore time. I suggest you stay in bed!
Comment by Rob April 14, 2007 @ 4:16 pmyou silly bastard. cant wait. enjoy your last weekend of dignity.
Comment by andy@cynic April 14, 2007 @ 4:48 pmEasy! Easy! Easy! YAY!
Comment by Marcus Brown April 14, 2007 @ 6:17 pmwell done rob. your [lack of] choice of band is deplorable but i applaud your guts to step up to the plate.
Comment by lauren April 14, 2007 @ 10:42 pmYes … but that ‘vote of courage’ won’t do me any good as of 7:30am + 1 second on Monday!
Now go and have a bloody weekend!
Comment by Rob April 14, 2007 @ 10:59 pmjust bloggin’ about my bloody weekend 🙂
hang on, you would tell everyone to fuck off if you really were concerned about doing this, wouldn’t you? i’m assuming so. so fuck’em – it’ll be great!!
Comment by lauren April 14, 2007 @ 11:26 pmTrust me dear Lauren – it makes David Brent from ‘The Office’ look positively cool in comparison!
Comment by Rob April 14, 2007 @ 11:55 pmBut at least I am not taking it entirely seriously – so maybe I’m not quite as bad as Ricky Gervais character [though he seems awfully like David Brent in real life, ha!]
Comment by Rob April 14, 2007 @ 11:56 pmare you ‘avin’ a larf then?
Comment by lauren April 15, 2007 @ 12:03 amJudge for yourself … but it featuresa few surprises that will keep you amused or just plain disgusted. Like most German music, ha.
Comment by Rob April 15, 2007 @ 10:57 am100th comment. Morning.
Comment by Marcus April 16, 2007 @ 2:35 pmYAY … 100 comments, the record!
And now 101 … the number of the house I grew up in. A coincidence???? Errrm, yes.
Comment by Rob April 16, 2007 @ 2:38 pm102. The house over the road.
Comment by Marcus April 16, 2007 @ 2:39 pm103 The puzzled neighbourhood watch twitcher:
“What the hell is going on at number 101?”
Comment by Rob Mortimer April 16, 2007 @ 2:54 pmPervert
Comment by Rob April 16, 2007 @ 2:56 pmThese times were very memorable and a lot of fun.
Comment by Charles Frith November 22, 2017 @ 2:38 pm