The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Have I Become Singaporean Or Imelda Marcos …
March 26, 2007, 9:41 am
Filed under: Comment

I am pathetic.

There are a myriad of reasons why I can say that but for the interests of this post, I’ll just keep it down to one. This one.

OK, so for the last 11 years or so, I have done nothing but wear Birkenstocks/Papillio sandals.

Told you I was pathetic!

Infact over those 11 years, the only exception I’ve made was at my Dad’s funeral and even then I had to think about it!

It doesn’t matter the weather, the location, the client, the country, the function … me and my ‘Birkies’ go everywhere.

Anyway, there is one particular style I like and even though my wonderful colleague Emah say’s “… they’re soooooo 1995” … it’s the camouflage version.

Maybe it’s because it helps me feel masculine?

Maybe it’s because it helps me pretend I’m tough?

Probably it’s because I am sad with zero appropriate fashion sense!

Because – as Emah say’s – the style is so out of date, you now can’t get them out here so in a blind panic, I turned to that wonderful friend of the weird for help.  The internet.

Watching Germany-Sweden


While they may be well known for their efficiency, sausages [YAY!] cars and lederhosen … the Krauts have many faults including their choice of music, dictators and – luckily for me – fashion.

Within nano-seconds, good ol’ google had hooked me up with a place in Germany that not only still had them in stock, but actually celebrated their style. Genius.

With just a few presses of my computer keyboard [and some numbers courtesy of my flexible friend] I ordered 3 brand spanking new pairs because – in true Singaporean-sale-obsessed-mode – they offered free international delivery, even though I was already saving about $40 a pair compared to local Asian prices.All good eh?

Well it gets better.

So in I come to the office after the latest of my wild adventures when I find not one … not two … not three … not four … not five … BUT SIX boxes of shoes, each containing exactly the same style I wanted.


Best bit is …

1 I had only paid for 3

2 it debunked the myth that Germans are accurate at everything.

Unfortunately my Italian side came out so I sent them an email telling them of their mistake and informing them to deduct my credit card for the difference as [for reasons best known to God] I’ll be keeping them … however as all the girls in the office have been taking the blatant piss, the question I need answering is, DOES THIS MAKE ME A WOMAN?

I know this is the most pathetic, pointless, self-obsessed post EVER … but it’s my blog and I can ponce-about-like-a-pansy if I want to.

28 Comments so far
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What the hell kinda Italian side are you representing Rob, obviously not the same as mine!?!

I would’ve sold the extra three boxes to cousins/other relatives/friends/strangers for a little less than RRP (but still making a profit on what I paid) then ordered another 10 boxes in the hope they’ll screw it up again and sell the extras and so on and so forth. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Tony Soprano would be so disappointed with you. I know I am…

Comment by Age

I think Tony Soprano would’ve ‘Finito’ed him at the point when he chose to wear German footwear in the first place.

Comment by Hari

Disappointed? DISAPPOINTED??

Can I point out Age that Italy and Germany have a long history of ‘being close’ … sure it all got stuffed up aroun 1945, but for 6 years or so, they were best-of-friends, so all I am doing with my excessive footware purchase is to extend the hand of friendship between these 2 European countries.

Comment by Rob

Very good point Rob. Hari, you made my juice come out of my nose. hehe!

Comment by Age

this post could topple the European union.

Comment by Marcus Brown

One can only hope …

Comment by Rob

Ah Deutschland, der Haus von Hasselhoff.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

So, here we go. Let’s see how many clichés we can get out of our systems shall we. Rob M has made a starter for 10.

Comment by Marcus Brown

He is not a cliche, he is a serious recording artiste!

Comment by Rob Mortimer


Comment by Marcus Brown

Errrrm, Kraftwork?

I’m crap at this aren’t I

Comment by Rob

Rubbish Campbell.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Kraftwork were genius and influential beyond any scope of most people’s imagination! Hardly a cliche…

I think Marcus is thinking more along the lines of Bratwurst and Trains running perfectly on time.

As Al Murray says “If we didnt have rules where would we be?…France. If we had too many rules where would we be?…Germany.”

Though. Rob did say:
“While they may be well known for their efficiency, sausages [YAY!] cars and lederhosen … the Krauts have many faults including their choice of music, dictators and – luckily for me – fashion.”

Thats a fair few there.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Thank you for saving me there Mr M …

Comment by Rob

…and yet you say the Smiths we’re overated Mortimer.

Comment by NP

By the way, my limited edition Nike Air Superfly’s are on their last legs. I really don’t know what to do. Can’t wear sandals all year round where I live.

Comment by NP

Without Krafwerk, no new wave, no synthpop, and most of hip hop would be gone. Dont underestimate the impact they had on music.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I don’t. But don’t underestimate The Smiths either.
By the way, George Clinton was at least as responsible for hip hop.

Comment by NP

it seems that no one has bothered to answer your question rob – are you a woman?

while a shoe fetish is not a bad indicator – there are other features that will determine that..mostly anatomical actually. so provided that you haven’t also bought a 38C Love Kylie bra, g-string and a brazillian to match those awful sandals, then i would say no. [sorry about the mental image with that folks.]

but wise move on purchasing multiples of the shoes – very sensible of you. your mother and women everywhere will be proud of you. deduct 10 points for being so honest – at least 1 free pair would have sufficed.

BTW. got your email reply. am not really jumping around going mental in my (very bare) living room – playing it cool. cucumberesque… you will hear from me.

Comment by lauren

Indeed he was, there is direct reason for Kraftwerks influence but I havent got the book with it in near me… I shall update.

But wearing the same clothes for twenty years is very much a male thing. Even if the fact they are shoes is very female.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Lauren, the image you have put in my – and any other bod who reads this blog – is both disturbing and strangely erotic. Or is that just me?

Also, can someone explain how The Smiths somehow seem to always get into this blog? I am sure it’s a Morrissey conspiracy …

Oh, and you’ll all be happy to know I have PAID for the added 3 pairs of Birkies sent to me. How weird that when I was rather poor, I would have kept my gob shut [though I wouldn’t of ordered them in the first place] whereas now I have a couple of quid, I felt an inherent need to cough-up – incase karma came back to haunt me.

I was never very superstitious, but it would seem the older I get, the more daft I become.

Maybe it’s because – and I am being quite honest here – I can’t believe I am able to live the life I do and am always waiting for someone to say I’ve been ‘found out’ for the loud mouthed, overly-sensitve sod I am!

Right, off to listent to Mika’s album again – best album of the last year by a country mile and not just because it has a striking resemblence to Queen around 1974 [when they were still good, even though NP would disagree but he’s going on holiday so won’t care, ha!]

Comment by Rob

Boo! Mika? Oh dear…

The more comfortable you are, the easier it is to be honest.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

You don’t like Mika? I would have thought you of anyone on here would appreciate his musical ability. But then you do like The Smiths, haha

Comment by Rob

He is bloody annoying. To be fair I havent heard more than a few songs; but I have no temptation to hear anymore. Especially as my reliable music mates say its awful.

At least you dont like James “cockney rhyming slang” Blunt.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Mika? Oh dear, oh dear oh dear.

James Blunt? Even the name makes me want to cut my ears off and feed them to my cat.

Comment by NP

Mind you, he probably hasnt been subjected to hearing bloody Mika on the radio every ten minutes.

Its like a red rag to a bull…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

James Blunt should die – especially as he acts like his success had nothing to do with gaining his stunning new model girlfriend!

As for Mika … no, I haven’t been subjected to him on the radio all the time, but I still think he is a great musician who is at least doing something interesting with his arrangements as opposed to the wank that people like the Pussycat Dolls shove out each week.

Oh dear, you can tell I’m trying to get out of the whole I’ve inadvertently dug for myself.

Comment by Rob

big girls blouse

Comment by andy@cynic

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