The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Are Malaysians The World’s Most Accurate Drivers?
March 20, 2007, 1:17 pm
Filed under: Comment

Accidente de David Coulthard

This might sound a highly racist thing to say … but it’s based on fact [cough-cough] so it isn’t. Ahem.

OK, here we go … Asian people are crap drivers.  Yes they are.

Please note I am not saying they are bad drivers … they are fucking nightmare drivers.

And I’m not just talking about the Taxi guys [though they reach even lower standards than the masses] I am talking about every bloody person who gets behind the wheel of a car.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s Singapore, China, Taiwan, Vietnam, India, Thailand, Philippines … they all are totally shit … infact in Vietnam, traffic accidents are the number 1 reason for death for people under 35!

I could try and describe some of the reasons – but I wouldn’t be doing it justice – so just imagine being in the back of a 20 year old cab in monsoon rain, driving at 120mph with zero visibility, no seat belts in the back, swerving in and out of lanes either to get ahead of the traffic or to avoid a vehicle you see at the last moment, sliding [and I mean sliding] around the multitude of tight bends on the constantly cracked and bumpy roads, squeezing through 2 feet gaps between trucks and cars, using the horn to stop cars side-swiping you because people don’t use mirrors and rely on the vehicles around them to warn of impending crashes – all the time while the driver is either nattering away on his mobile phone or – and I kid you not – cutting his nose hair while looking in the rearview mirror or opening the door and spitting out greenies along the road.

Sure the cabs are dirt cheap out here … but when you are taking your life in your hands each time you use one, then they should be paying us instead of the other way round.And I still feel this way after literally thousands of trips!!!

Anyway, a while back if you’d of asked me, I would have said the worst drivers of the lot are the Malaysians.

Apart from the fact that on 2 occasions I genuinely thought I was going to die in a cab, cars are dirt cheap so everyone has one which results in swamped roads and drivers desperate to break free from the traffic chaos.

How do they break free from all this mayhem?  By driving like bloody lunatics … both interms of speed and navigation.

Now as I said, I used to think this led to them being the worst drivers in Asia – however with hindsight I now realise they are actually highly skilled because on top of having less traffic accidents than many other countries in Asia, they can park their cars in places that to lesser drivers, would be nothing short of madness.

Even Evil Knievel would be impressed – I know I am, as well as bit scared!

Reverse parked on the very edge of a 40 foot high building.

21 Comments so far
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Going round the Arch Du Triomphe roundabout in a taxi, now that is scary driving.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Driving ANYWHERE in Paris involves fear.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Driving in Paris? Pah!

Sorry guys, but driving in Paris/Rome is 3rd division scary compared to the Premier League fear you get in Asia.

In Vietnam … people ride 4 to a motorbike, ignore road signs, directions, traffic lights, sides of the road, indications.

The only way to cross the road is to just close your eyes and slowly walk at a steady pace across because otherwise you’ll be stuck there forever as they’re SEVENTEEN MILLION motorbike riders.

Infact the first time I went there, within 10 mins we had – quite literally – 6 crashes with the best being a head on with a moped rider. No one was hurt but Jill called the handle in the cab the ‘JESUS HANDLE’ because every 2 mins she was crying “JEEEEEEESUS”

Comment by Rob

My wife driving, now that’s REAL white knuckle stuff. She doesn’t read this blog, which is fortunate.

Comment by NP

Ooooooh you’re so brave … slagging off your missus on a blog she won’t read, ha!

Sorry, but Jill beats your wife at crap parking.

Hell, the only reason we met was because she had an inability to reverse park and I offered to help as I couldn’t stand seeing this woman make an embarassment of themselves … then she once reversed in an EMPTY carpark and hit the ONLY tree in the whole place, not only crashing her car – but popping her rear window out to which a MASSIVE Huntsmen spider fell in … then there’s the time she crashed because her flip-flop got stuck under the accelerator and she ended up piling into the back of a cab …

Should I go on???

Comment by Rob

for your sake no

Comment by NP

OH FUCK … Jill reads this blog.

Another big mistake by me. I need sleep and a kevlar vest.

Comment by Rob

Eva can drive. She can park too. Eva you can, you know you can.*

*Eva reads this blog.

Comment by Marcus Brown

I love Eva – but not as much as Jill [as she reads this blog too!]

Comment by Rob

hello, but I can park a car better than Marcus

Comment by eva

Rob, that’s her first EVER blog comment! Well done darling.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Im still learning, so I cant really comment on my driving skills…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

EVA … welcome … I am honoured and when Marcus realises you posted your first ever comment on my blog rather than his, I am sure he’ll be bordering on sausage-losing-depression.

I hope you come back … it’s nice to have some sophistication on this site.

Comment by Rob

I know my place.

Comment by Marcus Brown

did you just imply that the rest of us are all unsophisticated morons, rob?

Comment by lauren

Errrrm, yes – I think I did.

This from a woman who earlier in the day wanted to make sure she wasn’t seen as ‘posh’.

And hey, with your van-crashing habits, you should be commenting on this post, not whether you are classy or not.

[Which I am sure you are even though you live in Wollongong and work in Wooloomooloo. Your saving grace is you’re from Melbourne, ha!]

Comment by Rob

what a mash-up of compliments – i think. i’m slightly confused!

firstly, you can be sophisticated and not posh. posh = wanker.

secondly, i was going to bring up my van-crashing “habits” (can you have a habit if you’ve only done it once?), but didn’t want to remind andy about it – he seems to find it a
character asset of sorts, which is a little worrying. not to mention trying to keep some my own dignity in tact.

Comment by lauren

ha ha, and now I know mine too

Comment by eva

I can appreciate your confusion Lauren … even I don’t know if I was being nice or dodgy – but overall, I like you and that’s all that matters isn’t it, ha!

Comment by Rob

yes. yes, i suppose it is.. i’m going to bed before i get even more confused.. night all.

Comment by lauren

Night Night Lauren … don’t dream of car crashes … and if you do, dream of Eva as she’ll come and save the day!

Comment by Rob

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