The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Screw You Paul Daniels …
March 5, 2007, 2:02 pm
Filed under: Comment

OK, so as you now know, I’ve got a mild dose of ‘Delhi Belly’ … so as I’m feeling abit yuck, I thought I’d give ranting about marketing / advertising / branding / planning abit of a rest [well, for today] and tackle an issue that’s been bothering me for some time now.

“So what’s the issue?” I hear you cry with concerned voices … 

Well some of you may remember that I recently proposed to my darling Jill … and as part of that proposal, I did a ‘magic trick’ involving a ‘ring’ – or should I say, THE ring!

Anyway, at the time I thought it was quite a cool thing to do … but then you lot got involved and ‘informed’ me that not only was it unmitigated shite, but a 5 year old kid could do better.

Well I wasn’t going to have that was I?

So being a sad, competitive little shit, I went out and looked for other tricks I could do – tricks that might not make me look as pathetic as the ‘ring one’ – and so [with fingers crossed] it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you my latest ‘amazing act’ …

Be gentle with your reviews, I don’t think my tum could take anything too harsh, ha!


59 Comments

lol…that was sad.

Comment by abu ameerah

Great – someone I’ve never had on my blog before [Hello there!] starts it off by saying ‘It’s sad!’

Comment by Robert

lol!!! listen to your audience rob…

Comment by lauren

Great … I’d rather have sympathy for my magic than my toilet issues. Bah Humbug …

Comment by Robert

Does it make me sound stupid saying I found that pretty good.

Comment by Pete

just think how rad your kids will think you are….

Comment by lauren

Try doing that trick when you’re stuck on the bog for 5 days straight fuckhead.

Comment by George

George … you are turning into Andy, get a grip man, get a grip!

Comment by Rob

Thanks for that metaphorical slap in the face Rob. Being compared to Andy is enough to pull anyone together.

Sorry for being so rude to you and I really, really hope your tummy wummy gets better soon.

See Rob, that’s what real mates do, not send a curry and a packet of Huggies to their hotel room! On the positive side, I look better in my jeans now so it was worth the sweating even though I’m in jetlag hell.

Comment by George

That’s the George I know and love …

I take it you’ll be very late into the office then today – so I’ll speak to you much, much later.

Comment by Rob

I have that exact book, shame on you Rob. I demand genuine slight of hand dammit!

Comment by Age

Late? How about I come in next Monday

Comment by George

no. simply not good enough Rob. My kids did that trick before they could walk. And don’t come with any “I can’t walk because my insides are falling out of me” shit.

Close, but no cigar Campbell.
Morning.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Gutted … absolutely gutted … and I’m not just talking about the byproduct of being on the loo 21.5 hours a day at the moment.

AGE you have that book? Damn you … and Marcus, for God’s sake get your kids into the circus because by the sounds of it, they will be a Star Attraction – unless there is a little bit of exaggeration going on.

On the positive side, there’s someone in the office that still thinks it’s amazing, ha!

Comment by Rob

OK … so the trick is abit naff … what about points for ‘artistic impression’????

Come on guys, I’m desperate …

Comment by Rob

Oh come on Rob. You bloody BOUGHT that trick. There’s no slight of hand involved what-so-ever.

I will give you top score for presentation though. Naff nicely presentated.

Oh, and (I’m not joking here – this is true) my 3 girls are part of Circus Zarakali in Frankfurt.

Comment by Marcus Brown

I hope you not sulking.

Comment by Marcus Brown

I told you it was a naff trick when you bought it, but for performance, I’ll give you 7/10.

Comment by George

Hang on … you were AMAZED when you saw that trick for the first time.

OK, by the 2nd presentation, you were bored to tears, but in no way did you tell me if was naff at time of purchase.

And as for you Marcus and your amazing girls – damn you for having a highter standard for amazement than the average punter.

Oh well, onto the next trick …

Comment by Rob

please rob, no more tricks…

Comment by lauren

Thanks Lauren – why not tell me to throw myself off a bridge and be done with it!

Comment by Rob

But Rob, even the average punter thinks it’s naff. Only Pete thought it was good and he is obviously concerned for his future. As am I, but there’s no point in telling you it’s good when it’s not. The magic cycle does have SOME standards you know.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Rob, throw yourself off a bridge and be done with it!

Comment by George

wipe your arse first though.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Don’t worry about Pete’s future – he is working for one of the World’s most creative agencies, creating some of the World’s most creative ideas … but given he thought my SHITE, CRAP, BALLS magic trick was good … I question how long he will be there for.

And I knew it was only a matter of time till someone told me to ‘jump off the bridge and be done with it’ – I’m just shocked it was George and not Andy, hahaha.

And Marcus, did you mean the Magic CIRCLE? Because the Magic Cycle just sounds naffer than naff. [And I would know as the afficianado of naff magic tricks!]

Comment by Rob

You’re much better at ranting, planning (and crapping) than you are at magic, so if you could get back to that as soon as possible, we’d all be much happier.

I’m off to bed now, please don’t disappoint me with some other 5 rupee magic trick you bought.

Comment by George

no I meant the magic cycle (you really should know this stuff rob) which is Nottingham (east) Magician Association.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Alright … alright … ranting returns tomorrow and given I’m spending most of the week in Thailand, lecturing the Asian Media Conference, I am sure they’ll be tons to rant about.

Comment by Rob

Marcus … Nottingham is famous for violence, drug crime and shootings … it used to be famous for Robin Hood, bicycles and lace … never, not once, did MAGIC come to the fore which is why the dyslexic magic nerds who live there probably wrote Magic Cycle – unless they are all ex-Raleigh bike employees and doing it in the bikes honour.

Comment by Rob

that explains it then.

Comment by Marcus Brown

maybe magic cycle is related the to cremaster cycle: a hectic art film that will leave your head hurting after the first 5 minutes.

Comment by lauren

Stop getting all arty-farty on me Lauren.

[I shouldn’t use the word ‘farty’, it makes me want to go to the loo]

Comment by Rob

Not you too!
Still, the tricks are getting slightly better…though still a little off the Magic Circle (or cycle) yet!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

DON’T YOU START MR MORTIMER!

Marcus has put some 2-bit trick up for me on Youtube and reckons it’s better than mine. Sure, his has no probs and involves real slight of hand, but for entertainment value, surely I must score some points.

Don’t I???? DON’T I?????

Comment by Rob

Yes, the entertainment value was there… but doesnt that push you towards Tommy Cooper territory?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

sorry rob – it’s what i do. maybe you should get more arty-farty and fix your delhi belly.. lol!!

Comment by lauren

Tommy Cooper is a God, I would kill to be like him – and the first person I’d kill is the Indian Magician who tricked me into thinking my ‘Magic Book’ was cool, ha.

Comment by Rob

Just like that eh?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Boom Tish …

Comment by Rob

my tick is WAY better. Simple as that. Anybody want to see it?

Comment by Marcus Brown

I meant trick, but my tick is better too.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Go on then..!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

ok. But I’m warning you all…this is serious magic. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

Comment by Marcus Brown

I am in a sulk!

Comment by Rob

marcus!! my grandfather could show me that trick when i was 4!! shame on you

rob, no need to sulk. lame as your magic book was, it is way better than marcus’ “trick”..

Comment by lauren

I LOVE LAUREN!!!
I LOVE LAUREN!!!
I LOVE LAUREN!!!
I LOVE LAUREN!!!
I LOVE LAUREN!!!
I LOVE LAUREN!!!

Comment by Rob

Marcus… that was erm… very good. Now please never do magic again.

Come back Tommy Campbell, all is forgiven.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

i have a feeling Sacrum is going to take back his warmness towards me now…

Comment by lauren

Hey guys … Marcus is still recovering over the sausage debacle so your comments could push him over the edge – but I do I care?

Do I bollocks … his trick sucks [but I’m still practicing it at home!]

Comment by Rob

I’ve just realised that in my video, I say “Please Keep Looking” …

God bless, I was obviously trying really hard to impress – and according to Rob, Lauren and Pete – I did. Well, compared to Marcus and his “AMAZIIIIIIIING” finger trick.

Comment by Rob

I’ve just realised that in my video, I say “Please Keep Looking” …

God bless, I was obviously trying really hard to impress – and according to Rob, Lauren and Pete – I did. Well, compared to Marcus and his “AMAZIIIIIIIING” finger trick.

Comment by Rob

So, you feeling better now Campbell? Got your self-esteem back eh? Well done.

For all the others, I’m working on another trick involving a finger. Especially for you lot. I’m sure you can imagine what it is.

And yes, I’m fucking sulking. And yes Lauren I’ve had a word with Sacrum and his warmness towards you is at an all time low. Which is saying something.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Marcus, does this mean you’re now a sour-Kraut! BOOM BOOM

[Oh how original I am – just like my tricks eh!]

Comment by Rob

i’m sick of trying to build my site, i’m off to bed. goodnight all.

and as entertaining as it’s been, i look forward to this service returning to normal tomorrow.

Comment by lauren

The shame I feel for you now is indescribable. God help us should you ever decide to visit.

Comment by Marcus Brown

This IS normal service isn’t it?

Comment by Marcus Brown

Lauren – good on you going to bed because it’s far too late for you to be doing your site and look fresh and lovely in the morning. I’m at home with my other ‘alf, watching “Total Recall” and trying to buy a house – far more fun. Then again …

And Marcus, you’re right … this is normal service … but whether that is a compliment or insult is still to be decided! Maybe we can discuss it in Munich – over a Diet Coke or copious amounts of beer. [Maybe my magic tricks will look good then!]

Right, just heard Jill yawn – she’s primed for Jillyism’s – which reminds me, I have to update that blog because she’s had some classics lately like, “I’d rather be below average than average”

Marvellous!

Night all … and to Pete who has been noticeble by his absence, don’t worry mate, we still like you despite your facination with really, really bad tricks. [Have a look at the one Marcus is trying to ‘flog’ – you’ll probably be amazed!]

Comment by Rob

Having weighed up all the facts, opinions and comments, I’d like to change my evaluation of your magic trick to disappointment.

Does that keep any cred I have intact?

What if I follow that up by saying Marcus finger trick was astoundingly bad. Come on Marcus, even Captain Hook can do that one.

D- (must try harder)

Comment by Pete

Wimp!

Comment by Rob




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