The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


SOS … Save Our Sausage!
February 14, 2007, 3:47 pm
Filed under: Comment

Sausage face

I know I’ve just gone on a rant about how wank Valentines Day is … but underneath it all, I’m a sensitive soul who craves any expression of love I can get!*

The good news [for you] is that I don’t need flowers, card or lip lovin’ [ladies only please] … all I need is you to visit the links listed below and vote for my beloved SAUSAGE

Come on, help me beat that evil AMERICAN BACON, you know it [sort-of] makes sense.

SAUSAGE Vote Site One

SAUSAGE Vote Site Two

* Please note this is more for dramatic effect than a real psychological problem. Well that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

Sausage sizzle 

Andy’s sausage sandwich. About an hour ago. Can Yankee Bacon beat that? No, I don’t think so either.


124 Comments

that’s a damn good looking sandwich right there.

Comment by Marcus Brown

i think you mean that “was” a damn good looking sandwich because its currently residing in my gut. hello marcus its been a while. im back and ready to rumble. lets go sausage.

Comment by andy@cynic

Andy’s back people. Now bacon’s in trouble. Good man.

Comment by Marcus Brown

you better believe it

Comment by andy@cynic

Nice sandwich, lets all have one today in solidarity. Losing to the yanks? Never.

The North is rising.

Comment by Northern Planner

I don’t just want to win. I want to crush them.

Comment by Marcus Brown

i think youd rather “eat them” because then you can shit them out.

Comment by andy@cynic

don’t want that rubbish anywhere near my bowel.

Comment by Marcus Brown

yep, andy’s back.

Comment by Northern Planner

Jesus Christ I salivated and then burped, had stomach cramps, farted, suffered heart burn and sweats, regurgitated (twice), and have felt bloated from just LOOKING at the pic of that burger.

How was it Andy? It was good wasn’t it? I know it was… ohhhhhhhh yeeeeah.

It’s so worth it. VOTE 1 Snags!!!!!

Comment by Age

it made me glad to be back in america and that is the ultimate compliment.

Comment by andy@cynic

Jesus Andy – are you OK? Good to be back in America??? Christ, Argentina must of been scary!

Comment by Rob

aisa is making an impact to the voting, Europe is slowly coming online.

Comment by Marcus Brown

My team are good. Or fearful of me not letting them have CNY off, haha!

Comment by Rob

ok, I’ve checked out the voting patterns of american bacon. Round 1: 77% (97 votes) Round 2: 85% (58 votes).

Comment by Marcus Brown

Errrrrm, what are you trying to say Marcus? Be clear man!

Comment by Rob

Sorry, had to check out team-sausage. In round 1 we had 51% (298 votes) and in round 2 78% (108 votes). We potentially have double the voters of american bacon.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Potential votes dont win elections…

Make it count people!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

We’ve gone from 25% of the share to leading 65% – that’s not bad in a few hours! Hell, Andy isn’t even officially ‘awake’ yet so while we can’t let off on the pressure, we should feel happy we have additional firepower at our fingertips.

Come on Andy – get up – I’ve already emailed K to get sausages in for everyone!

Comment by Rob

there has been a small amount of bacon voting in the last couple of minutes.

Comment by Marcus Brown

I’m chomping on a sausage roll in our honour. It’s from Starbucks – but hey, in Hong Kong on Valentines Day, I have to take what I can get.

Comment by Rob

sausage is sausage rob.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Trust me … the one I’ve just eaten could put that theory to test!

Comment by Rob

ok im up; lets kick some yankee bacon butt.
right after ive had some breakfast. cant fight the bacon world on an empty stomach.

Comment by andy@cynic

gather strength, breath deeply and then kick some arse.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Andy, I don’t know if we can wait till you’ve properly filled your stomach.

Comment by Rob

rob, he knows what he’s doing. Where’s the bloody armed forces you promised?

Comment by Marcus Brown

and can someone make sure that george organises some Richard Branson effort this time please.

Comment by Marcus Brown

i love you marcus but rob, you are a piece of shit. or should i say a piece of bacon. now let me go eat.

Comment by andy@cynic

Don’t shoot the messenger Marcus … I’ve been promised they’ll come and they will … maybe they’re fighting Malaysia or something.

Besides, I did pull a counter-attack force earlier today – surely I get some credit for that?

[Listen to my whining and desperate need to please!]

Comment by Rob

here we go, here we go, here we go

Comment by Northern Planner

can you guys hurry up and win this sausage thing already? there are a couple of political parties in this country that are counting on the results so they can headhunt you all for the upcoming federal election race…

Comment by lauren

rob your efforts in Hong Kong were sterling. And will never be forgotten.

Comment by Marcus Brown

YOU ARE DOOMED. DOOMED DO YOU HEAR!

Comment by American Bacon Fan!

We are under attack. ATTACK!!!

Comment by Rob

What’s this? What IS THIS! To the barricades people!

Comment by Marcus Brown

I think it’s a dummy attack … the website doesn’t exist. I know – because I bravely went and tried to launch my own counterattack. By myself. With no additional support.

Comment by Rob

cheating american bacon fuckers.
kill, grill, burn.

Comment by andy@cynic

you went there all on your own? Victoria Cross stuff that is.

Andy, be angry…be very angry. I AM.

Comment by Marcus Brown

im fucking fuming

Comment by andy@cynic

Don’t fume … get the team voting. Threaten them with anything – the sack, not getting the sack, ANYTHING!

Comment by Rob

heading into the office in 5 field marshall campbell

Comment by andy@cynic

Field Marshall Campbell.

I like it.
I deserve it.
I will be known by it. Please.

Comment by Rob

“Dont worry, Captain Darling and I will be right behind you”

‘Yes, about 40 miles behind us…’

We shall fight them on the baps, the rolls and the barmcakes.

We shall never be def-eated…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Rather be Captain Darling than Master Bates

Comment by Rob

DOOMED I TELL YOU!

Comment by GENERAL BACON

General Bacon? Fuck off.

Comment by Marcus Brown

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP

Comment by Rob

Smoked, salty, streaked bacon?
Thats like being captain of a rowing boat in the middle of war between battleships.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Marcus – we’re British, we insult politely.

Get your own back by going onto their ‘official’ site and launch your own broadside. Or whatever it is called.

Comment by Robert

I will not sink to their level. We will battle at the ballot box. And General Bacon. I’m sorry, I was impolite.

Fuck off. Please.

Better Rob?

Comment by Marcus Brown

Vast improvement. Thank you.

Comment by Rob

Sausage vs Bacon Haiku:

Tasty Sausages
Meat Kosher Halal or Veg
Bacon? Streaky Crap

Comment by Rob Mortimer

ok… what the FUCK is going on in this thread!?!
This is hilarious.

“What’s this? What IS THIS! To the barricades people!
Comment by Marcus Brown 02.14.07 @ 7:31 pm”

I swear I actually LOL’d for real to that.
Keep up the good fight Cynic employees!
Goodnight, and good luck.

Comment by Age

*applause*..classy rob m, classy.

Comment by lauren

sausage is glory yes? Yes! There is no worry with sausage loveness. Eat it when? Now! Love it? Must be done! Joyous meaty thing? No other like it!

Comment by Sacrum B. Rown

Hello Sausage Supporters.
Just thought you’d be interested to know Richard Branson now knows about our sausage quest!

I have to admit he’s rather confused by it all but he did say he is on our side but that could be because he wanted me out of his office. 🙂

With this level of mass sausage passion, he’ll probably launch Virgin Sausages any day now but as long as he gets all his staff voting in our favour, why should we care.

Here’s too victory and Andy doing some work before he goes totally sausage mad.

Comment by George

Sausages with Branson Pickle…genius

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Nice link Rob.

Comment by George

Excellent work there George. But please give Andy the freedom to do WHATEVER he feels necessary for our noble cause.

Comment by Marcus Brown

stop showing off about your superstar mates.

Comment by andy@cynic

im my own man marcus and you can be assured ill be doing whatever is needed for our glory.

Comment by andy@cynic

Jealous?

Comment by George

i will never give you the pleasure of knowing. ax

Comment by andy@cynic

rob, when you wake up and check this site out, you will be chocked with emotion. if marcus is the sausage freedom fighter, you are the sausage resistence.

Comment by andy@cynic

sausage is under attack. do you hear…ATTACK. Our advantage is slipping!

Comment by Marcus Brown

The 2nd sausage division is reporting for orders sir.
Just got into the office and I’m on the case.
Hang on, is this now an anti America issue?
I feel rather compromised but after a second of thought, a roof over my head is more important than a vote for any nationalistic pride.
Besides, what the fuck have I got to be proud of?
Clap your hands if you love the sausage.
Clap clap.

Comment by Billy Whizz

There he is, in all his sausage glory. The man who knows his stuf…Billy Whizz

Comment by Marcus Brown

You good? Hope so and we seem to be holding our position at the moment. Fuck, I’m talking in military terms, who would of thought it.

Comment by Billy Whizz

On the sound advaaaaance bangers…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Just read through all the posts and seen there’s already been a military theme going on with Rob and his Field Marshall bollocks.
This really is fucking us all up isn’t it. Great. Got a meeting but I’ll push them to give us a sausage vote or I’ll just refuse to do any ads for them. Given I’m so great, that will scare the bastards into getting on their computers in no time at all. Go sausage.

Comment by Billy Whizz

it will be a long hard battle, but with major whizz flanking with scared clients surely we can only win.

Comment by MarcusBrown

Bacon mind games will now worse – we’re in front, but far from comfortable do not let up for a minute.
Smoked Polish sausage for lunch.

Comment by Captain Flashheart

The battle’s getting to me, I meant ‘bacon mind games will not work’.
Now, Bob I want something……

Comment by Captain Flashheart

Ive contacted both Walls and SausageFans sites in the past two days… im hoping they will help us out.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

The Europeans are starting to steam on in now.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Sorry guys – been out of action in possibly one of the worst pitches EVER [75% of the marketers present admitted not having even read the brief they’ve asked all the agencies to answer] but I hope all action is being administered and victory on Sunday will be ours.

Slight bad news is that I [and the ‘boys’] are all off to Japan and will be out of action till next week so we will leave you in the sort-of capable hands of BILLY and in the meantime, will try and encourage Japanese adoption of the sausage. We’ll say it can be their revenge for Hiroshima or something equally politically insensitive.

Gotta go – got a plane to catch – but may the tomato sauce be with you my friends. To victory.

Comment by Rob

Just realised I can vote for sausage at every computer in the lounge because they’re all on different IP addresses.

Some may call it cheating, I call it ingenuity.

Gotta go – need to kick people off their PC’s for the good of the ‘banger’

Comment by Rob

Europe is making an impact. Good work there rob.

Comment by Marcus Brown

I’ve just cast 8 more votes for sausage simply by going to each computer in the lounge and voting on Marcus’ site and the Host’s site.

GET TO YOUR AIRPORTS QUICK – THE VOTES ARE THERE FOR ALL!

Oh, and I’ve called Andy and George to do it at their end on the way to the land of the [soon-to-be] Rising Sausage.

Must fly … literally, the plane is about to go.

You’re in my hearts sausage lovers.

Comment by Rob

further to rob’s IP address scam, can i suggest recruiting students – labs across the country will have different IP addresses, you could squash the americans with just one class from each design college!

Comment by lauren

lauren, this is good, really good! Contacts? We need the contacts!

Comment by Marcus Brown

according to my calculations we are only 25 votes ahead!

Comment by Marcus Brown

where’s billy? Billy where are you?

Comment by Marcus Brown

Hello Marcus, I do hope you are well.
I just thought I should tell you that Billy is on medical leave today which is probably why he has not responded.
Fingers crossed for sausages.
Best wishes, Katerina

Comment by Katerina

God save our gracious sausage,
God save our noble sausage,
God save the sausage.

Comment by MR Sausage

Katerina – thanks for the medical update. I knew this battle would have it’s casualties and Billy has been brave and strong.

MR Sausage – Go to bed.

Comment by MarcusBrown

Billy is down. Rob, George and Andy have been moved to the eastern front. Am I the last man standing? AM I?

Comment by MarcusBrown

I can’t go to bed, its lunchtime where I am so my boss wouldn’t be happy with me.

Comment by MR Sausage

Good. Then you’re awake, and have hours and hours. Are you standing with us? Are you fit? Are you armed? Rally your troops young man!

Comment by MarcusBrown

Its only because my dad is british that I can support the sausage team, but I’ll try and convince my workflow to turn their back on American bacon and come over to the limey dark side.

Comment by MR Sausage

careful.

Comment by MarcusBrown

Jesus, this is a popular post isn’t it?

Marcus – a slight bit of concern is that this Mr Sausage has the same IP address as General Bacon – is this individual a Double Agent or a schitzo?

Will try and get some more votes in while I’m away … lots of fresh, sausage virgin computers out here.

Comment by Rob

I thought that you were MR Sausage. This is all very confusing.

Comment by Marcus Brown

No – I was not Mr Sausage and I don’t know who it is given their email/blog/website doesn’t exist.

Hey. Andy told us what to do [which is amazing given he’s a technophobe – then realised you told him the details] and we’re voting up a storm.

Comment by Rob

OK, sausage was 0.8% when i put my last vote in, but i’m a little confused… surely the voting has closed – i can’t be that far ahead the closing time. What’s the final outcome? Please… put me out of my misery!

Comment by lauren

Lauren – it’s NEW YORK time so it ends in 45 mins.

We have just spent 2 HOURS voting – our other halves hate us, the people at our meeting are fed up of us and our friends pity us BUT WE’RE WINNING so keep up the vote!

Comment by Rob

An hour to go and they are voting like mad – we can’t keep up.

HELP!

Comment by Rob

eek!! we’re losing it!! HELP!!

Comment by lauren

We’re losing … we can’t keep up …

Comment by Rob

We can’t make it up … we’re being shot at by hundreds of them …

Comment by Rob

no!! *cries* i’ve spent the last 2 hours emptying my cookie jar, getting RSI, probably losing my job (not to mention my dignity) and voting for fucking sausages, only to lose by 3.9%!! i am truly a loser…

Comment by lauren

now i know how Adelaide United feel…

Comment by lauren

LAUREN … WE ARE LOSERS!

My other half hates me, George and Andy aren’t talking to eachother, my laptop is overheating AND THOSE BASTARD YANKS WON!

I am devastated … but imagine poor Marcus when he wakes up!

Thanks for everything … see you soon.

Comment by Rob

poor marcus!!! we tried, we really did. rob – good luck patching things up with jill. i need a cup of tea.

Comment by lauren

I feel like Al Gore.

Morning

Comment by Marcus Brown

I would just like to thank everybody for their support over the last couple of weeks. We had a good go. A good innings. We we’re strong, honest and capable. We were true to our word and true to the sausage.

In light of the recent defeat I feel that it is only logical that I stand down as the leader of the Sausage Meat Bracket party. I think it is time for a new direction and a new generation.

We must now prepare ourselves for the job at hand; for we are now an oposition meat.

Again, thank you for your support.

Comment by Marcus Brown

I feel shame.

Comment by Marcus Brown

It’s ok people. I understand. I’ll be off then.

Comment by Marcus Brown

marcus, we appreciate the leadership you’ve shown us over the last few weeks and we wish you all the best with your upcoming documentary on the dangers of badger hunting in the midlands.

Comment by lauren

The shame of it all.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Marcus – don’t cry, we did good – we did really good – and like Lauren, I too look forward to your documentary about food products and the printing process.

Onwards and upwards …

Comment by Rob

Where is Marcus?

Come on – your adoring public need you [+ Billy has had a relapse given the sausage mauling and he blames himself for it – which we took great pleasure in agreeing with]

Comment by Rob

people. after a brief period of grief. I fuming. FUMING. Please see my blog for details. Who’s with me? Join me on the Dark Side of the Wurst.

Comment by Marcus Brown

See my comment on your blog – though we all need some time for grief [and to make it up to partners/fellow veggies] before we can start.

Comment by Rob

agreed. We need to re-group.

Comment by Marcus Brown

I sense a bit of cheating on the bacon side…

After getting less than a hundred votes in 6 days they suddenly get loads in one go? Thats HIGHLY suspect.

Frankly democracy doesnt work. Just look at the US and Britain, AND bacon…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Join the dark side Mr. Mortimer. JOIN IT!

Comment by Marcus Brown

Why not…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Good point Mortimer. And sod losing gracefully, my eyes are turning yellow, the hood makes my gnarly features look shadowy and sinister. A powerful Sith I will become…..

Comment by NP

goooood… gooood… the force is strong in this one.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Put it this way, I spent TWO HOURS with George and Andy voting for bloomin’ sausage and every time we voted, the vote count had gone up by 10 so they either had the whole of the US on their side or there was some ‘technological help’.

We can’t really cry foul, we were voting like knobends too – but at least ours were less wrong than there’s – if that makes sense!

Comment by Rob

Chicken. Fowl play I tell you. FOWL!!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

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